London, Jan 20:

Hoping to win 50,000 pounds on a TV game show, a husband owned up to cheating on his wife by having an affair and visiting a prostitute on his bucks night.

Stuart Brandwood admitted his scandalous antics as he was hooked to a lie detector on game show Nothing But the Truth, where contestants must answer 21 questions truthfully in front of their spouse to win the jackpot.

Apart from confessing an affair and bedding a prostitute, Brandwood said that his wife Amanda was not the best lover he’d had.

She has, however, forgiven him, and the couple, from Warrington in Cheshire, insist their relationship is ’stronger than ever’.

Before the program, Amanda submitted two suggestions for questions to ask her husband. One was: ‘Have you had an affair while you have been together with Amanda?�, the other: “Have you ever paid for sex abroad?�

When his wife asked him the questions, Stuart thought he had no option but to confess, rather than have her find out on the program.

“I went to Amsterdam on my stag night. My mates decided to get some money together for a prostitute in the red light district. I was very drunk,� the Scotsman quoted him, as saying.

Stuart said that the worst part was when he was asked whether his wife was the best lover he had had, to which he replied: No.

“That was unbelievably awkward and she really grilled me afterwards about who was the best lover,� he said.

“I had a life and a past before Amanda. She knew that because I was 30 when we met.

“But the question that has really kept us together was: ‘If you could have an affair and not get caught, would you do it?’ and I answered honestly, ‘No.’ So I think that proved how much I love her.�

Amanda said: “Because of everything he has confessed to, there have been a few tough times for us recently, but now he has a clean slate and I have forgiven him. I was more angry with him for not telling me about those things and keeping them a secret for years than what he actually did.

“We always had a strong relationship, and we must have done to have got through this. Amazingly, it has made us closer. We certainly talk a lot more now, she added.

Cheating spouses don’t have to leave home to be bad. They go to the computer – and promptly leave a trail

The Gazette

Published: Saturday, January 19

When possible, he and his team do house calls, tapping for example, into a husband’s computer when he’s away at work.

Other clients courier their spouses’ hard drives over to Wiechman.

“The chain of custody is very important. It’s essential to know that no one else played with the computer,” he said.

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Wiechman tells the story of a man who was convinced his wife was

having an affair: “It turned out she wasn’t.”

But the wife was keeping some pretty shocking secrets Wiechman was able to uncover.

“She was logging into (a) website and having sexual relations online with other men and with sex toys.”

The husband didn’t react well, though they attempted to reconcile. But 18 months later, she was back at it again.

“She claimed it was just a way for her to earn a living,” Wiechman said.

But online evidence isn’t always enough. “That’s because we can’t usually prove the identity of the person who has done it,” he said.

Wiechman has only handled two cases where he was able to conclusively identify a cheating spouse in court. “They had their webcams turned on themselves,” he said.

Asset tracking is also becoming a bigger part of Wiechman’s business.

He can access an individual’s online banking activities and determine whether the person has offshore bank accounts.

“Sometimes people have stock and bank accounts under fictitious names,” he said.

It’s a good thing for Wiechman that people feel secure when they are

online – otherwise, he’d be out of business. “People don’t realize they leave tracks, which is where I come in.”

Wiechman stresses the importance of bringing in a forensics expert to collect online evidence.

“Otherwise the date and time stamps on the file could be changed – and that information can be very important,” he said.

Digital information tends to have a long life.

Wiechman warned that even evidence-wiping computer programs may not keep people’s secrets safe.

“If you’re not an expert user, it’ll still leave data out there for us.

My simplest and best advice is: don’t do it,” he said.

Cheating spouses don’t have to leave home to be bad. They go to the computer – and promptly leave a trail

The Gazette

Published: Saturday, January 19

In the old days, lipstick on a shirt collar and suspicious late-night phone calls were signs your spouse might be a- cheatin’.

But even adultery has gone high-tech.

More and more people are discovering online evidence of their partner’s peccadillos.

People who send email love notes to their paramours or who meet up for salacious conversations in chat rooms should beware: Big Brother – or your cuckolded spouse – may be watching you.

Montreal divorce lawyer Robert Teitelbaum says that in the last five to 10 years, an increasing number of his clients have been coming in with evidence they’ve found on the Internet – and many of them weren’t even looking for dirt when they made their discoveries.

“Husbands and wives may be on chat rooms late into the evening.

“The spouse only discovers this weeks later when they happen to be looking at the history on their computers.

People don’t always clear their history,” said Teitelbaum.

Teitelbaum, who’s been in practice for 30 years, says several of his clients have actually married the people they met in online chat rooms.

“In one case, I handled the second divorce,” he said.

Gerald Stotland, a family law lawyer with Lavery, De Billy, reports seeing a similar increase in evidence acquired over the Internet.

“I’ve had cases where there have been Internet liaisons established which the other spouse has discovered, and instances where communications between one of the spouses has indicated a possible involvement with someone else.

“I’ve also encountered cases where one of the spouses has been accessing pornography, and this has become an issue not only in the marriage but also in child custody,” he said.

Though neither Teitelbaum nor Stotland were willing to divulge more specific details, Stotland indicated he’s heard some pretty wild stories.

“I have a saying: You think you’ve seen it all until the next client walks into your office,” he said.

If Stotland had to give a word of advice to cheating spouses who hope not to be discovered, it would be to do a better job of covering their tracks.

“People have to be more cautious with respect to the messages they receive and send on their computers. Once you delete something from a computer, it’s never really deleted,” he said.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Cheater websites have become commonplace on the Internet. Websites such as ashleymadison and meet2cheat specialize in promoting discrete affairs between married and committed people. Make sure your partner is not frequenting these sites by checking their computer history. Also, watch for escort sites such as theeroticreview or bigdoggie to find out whether your husband or boyfriend is paying for prostitutes, perhaps endangering your health.

Studies which were conducted recently revealed that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz,2002 – Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy). According to a cheating poll of over 1,900 women conducted by WomanSavers.com, 39% felt that alibinetwork was the sleaziest website on the net, followed by adultfriendfinder, ashleymadison and fastseduction.

There are several ways for the cheater to cheat on the Internet and there are several degrees of cheating on the Internet as well. It is imperative to mention that the Internet is particularly successful in putting people in contact as it provides a way to interact with less inhibition than when meeting somebody in real life. Places to meet people on the internet are in the millions and they can be classified into the following categories: Chat rooms. (MSN and Yahoo are the most used); Friend networks. (Hi5 and Orkut are very popular); Direct contact through chat profiles. (Looking through the profiles of MSN members); Sites to match couples (Perfectmatch, match, etc) and Relationship sites (Passion, Adult Friend Finder, etc). It is important to note that not everyone who chats or even meet in real life is a cheater. The Internet is a great and wonderful resource but we all must take responsibility on how we use it.

Finally, there is another set of people, especially those who live in different towns, who practices cyber-sex. Cyber-sex involves into phone sex slowly, but the chances of cheating are less probable as they need to travel to meet each other. Even more, experienced cheaters will contact people in those places where they know they will be traveling soon. Married and committed people who utilize cheater websites want to have their cake and to eat it too. Unfortunately, this is always unbeknownst to the unsuspecting partner. Sites like Ashley Madison tap into a very profitable place within the online personals arena by bringing honesty to the dishonest practice of cheating. They allow people an alternative to a traditional personals site where they may have to lie and say they are single, thus giving potential mates the wrong impression—yet they make light of lying to a spouse or partner.

Married people seem to seek other married people to give themselves a sense of added security in an inherently insecure position. Their preference to cheat within their own camp is based on assumptions about people with spouses: They will not demand too much of the other person’’s time; they will be less invested in the relationship since they already have one; they are more understanding about a last-minute cancellation because the wife is sick and the kids need to go to soccer practice. Ideally, all those things are true, but in the real world, there are no guarantees and having everything out in the open does not mean there won”t be drama. These assumptions make all married people out to be normal and stable, and all single people end up looking like needy, unreasonable fools with no boundaries desperate to fall in love and break up a marriage.

By Stephany Alexander

Farizaa Sabreen

Infidelity is one of the most wrenching experiences a couple can tolerate. It can destroy families and above all it causes soreness not just to the betrayed, but usually to the cheater as well. Unfortunately the number of infidelity is rising in our society.

You can call it cheating, having an affair, adultery, infidelity, or breaking your monogamy promises, it affects relationships deeply. But it does not have to mean an end to the relationship.

Extra marital affairs are not always a sign of a troubled marriage. Some spouses yield to the temptation of an extramarital relationship as the result of experiencing unusual pressure over a normal lifestyle change, such as becoming a parent or a lonesome. For this, infidelity can occur in blissful marriages as well as unhappy ones.

Extramarital affairs, because of their secret nature, go unspoken. This silence has forced those involved to cope with incredibly complex problems with no support and advice.

Unlike TV’s portrayal of affairs, real “triangles” involve a great deal of repentance, confusion, anxiety, and soreness. In the end all members of the triangle are affected, for better or worse. Whether the marriage survives or the lovers form a new couple, everyone involved in the “triangle” will have been dramatically and permanently affected by the extramarital experience.

The fact that affairs are wrong, even considered to be a sin, has been ingrained into us through our social, cultural and religious upbringing. Yet despite the social and religious disapproval of them, they have been an ever-present phenomenon for us to deal with.

Every relationship hits a hurdle, or worse, a major crisis, that demands significant change if the relationship is to survive. This type of affair was not planned before hand because of a bad marriage. These affairs usually just happen.

Infidelity may be the worst of human experiences. It is usually a symptom of a weakness in a person or marriage, which can be corrected. Relationships are not built or destroyed by single events. In order for a marriage to have any hope of survival when an extramarital relationship threatens it, the involved spouse must recognize that the relationship is wrong and be willing to end it.

Who Has Affairs?

Unhappy working mothers and stay-at-home mothers often snag a much younger man. Stay-at-home moms have affairs with the neighbors. Stay-at-home wives get bored and join gyms and meet boyfriends while the husband is away working all the time, doing his own thing.

When married men are forced to live far from their families, they often start a new relationship.

We tend to think that only bad people have affairs or only people in bad relationships. But no one is protected from an affair.

Why it happens?

The reasons for infidelity are as many and as varied as the people involved. Professor S I Mullik, Psychiatrist of Lab Aid Hospital, has categorized the reasons for extramarital affairs as follows: Excitement, curiosity, falling in love, desire to escape or find relief from a painful relationship, boredom, desire to punish one’s partner, etc.

Women seem to be drawn into adulterous relationships initially through emotional attachments, while men are more likely attracted sexually. Interestingly, each gender tends to assume that the other is acting out of the same drive, as they are likely to themselves.

How it can be prevented?

Couples can’t avoid affairs by making threats as to what they would do if it happened. People don’t feel free to admit being attracted to someone else. If they don’t admit these attractions, then they won’t admit being tempted. If they don’t admit being tempted, then they certainly won’t admit it if and when they finally act on the attraction. The effect on the relationship is to cause it to be filled with jealousy and doubt.

If you suspect your spouse is cheating, Tanya Islam, a socio analyst has provides few tips to help spot it: any type of change in sexual relationship, missing money, change in schedule, request for separate vacations, increase in fights, etc.

So what do you do? Sneak a peek at his/her cell phone. Who has he been calling? Or, better still, try and catch him/her red handed. Surprise him/her by dropping in at his/her office when he says he’s working, or by coming home when s/he thinks you’re out of town.

There are many types of extra-marital relationships, and while all of them are terrible betrayals of the trust and love between the couple, it directly affects the chances for survival of the marriage.

Like other affairs, extra-marital affairs are loaded with romanticism, morality, mythology, and intense emotions. They’re not really about sex, but about pain and fear and the desire to feel alive. They’re also about betrayal. Such type of affairs need not necessarily wreck a marriage or result into divorce.

Before you can decide what to do with the affair in your life you need to know what it means and what are its types.

Is it just ‘Emotional outbreak affair’, or ‘Emotional-Sexual Affair’?

The faithful spouse has worked hard for the marriage; but no matter how hard they work, the unfaithful spouse is going to have an affair due to their own scarcities.

If you are the “other woman”, whom he’s stolen not only your heart but also your brain- you should know that majority of married men are not planning to leave their established lives to begin one with you. So, if you may feel that he’s your soul mate, think again. A real soul mate would not set you on the sidelines. He wouldn’t allow it, let alone entice it. Even if your married man decided to leave his wife and family for you, that doesn’t guarantee success.

If you are the “other” involved in an extramarital affair, considering getting involved in an affair or are in the process of ending an affair, this is a place for you to speak freely and honestly with others who experience the same highs and lows you do.

Give yourself time to work through your anger, resentment and hurt over the whole issue. Talk to your partner about it and let him know how let down you feel and how you will require time to heal.

If he hasn’t already ended the affair or is dithering over it, give him an ultimatum. Be firm and let him know that you are willing to give it another try but he has to cut off all ties with his lover.