High infidelity
Most of us believe adultery is wrong, but that doesn’t stop it from happening
Adultery used to be scandalous. Infidelity nearly ruined the career of Frank Sinatra after he left his wife for Ava Gardner. It didn’t endear Eddie Fisher and Liz Taylor to the public, either.
Now, adultery is hard to avoid in film, television or the real-life celebrity betrayal du jour in newspapers and magazines. The Internet is clogged with spouses cruising for discreet trysts. Many portals and dating services even specialize in facilitating such liaisons.
“I grew up in a neighborhood where there was a case of husband A running off with wife B, and it was a talked-about scandal for years afterward,” says Tom Smith, director of the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center, which has researched adult sexual behavior. “It’s just not shocking anymore. Our TV images have gone from ‘Ozzie and Harriett’ to ‘Desperate Housewives.’ ”
Yet, 91 percent of those questioned in a Gallup Poll last year said affairs are morally wrong.
What gives?
Theories on who cheats and why abound among social scientists and jilted lovers, but those who have studied the issue are hard-pressed to come up with a one-size-fits-all answer.
Academics can’t even agree on the extent to which adultery is happening. Various studies have found anywhere from 15 percent to 70 percent of people have had sex with someone other than their spouse while married.
There is, however, consensus that men are more likely to be unfaithful than women, although the gap is closing.
“More women are in the workplace, are no longer dependent on their husbands financially, and they have more opportunities to meet new people,” said Dr. Linda Martin, a marriage and family therapist in Cocoa.
In “Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity,” author Shirley Glass identifies five motivators — emotional intimacy, love, sex, ego and revenge.
“It has more to do with ego, excitement, opportunity, boredom or maybe being sexually frustrated with a spouse,” Martin said. “Affairs are certainly more than sex.”
Generally, men and women cheat for different reasons, according to Ruth Houston, author of “Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs.” (Lifestyle Publications, $29.95)
“Women are usually looking for emotional fulfillment, and men are looking for sex,” Houston said. “Women tend to do it as a last resort after they’ve tried everything else, but their words have fallen on deaf ears.”