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The Cheating Spouse's Cheat Sheet: 36 things every guy should know before he cheats.

First, before we start, this is what is going to happen to you if you aren't careful:

So, after more than a decade of experience in the Private Investigation field, and catching countless men who decide to cheat, I figured that the cheaters needed a cheat sheet. So, here are 36 things you need to think about before you cheat to give them at least a fighting chance.

  1. The friend you tell today will be the former friend who rats you out tomorrow…. They will rat you out. They always do. Why? Because there are two types of friends:

    • The friend who wants to bang your girlfriend.
    • The friend who is a good person.

    Either way, they are going to tell on you.

  2. STDs are real and there are lots of skanky women who carry them, especially among women who are willing to cheat with you. A diamond may be forever, but gonorreah lasts a helluva long time too. Get one, and you are screwed in more ways than one.

  3. Hook up in public and chances are good that you will be spotted by someone you don't know who knows you, and knows your girlfriend. It's a small world. Or worse, you could end up on Google's street view, like this guy coming out of a strip club:

  4. Some women are crazy. Yes, even the hot ones, so beware that the cool chick you hook-up with may become the next stalker, call your real girlfriend just to get back at you, sleep with roommate type, mutilate you, etc. They wouldn't have a support group if I was kidding.

  5. The hookup girl may play it cool for a while, but chances are she wants to be the full time thing and she will secretly work to get you busted.

  6. The more you go back for some, the greater the risk you will get busted.

  7. Yes, she will lie to you about being on the pill and actually get pregnant. (See numbers 2, 3, 5, 6)

  8. Girlfriends find credit card receipts. Then you have to go out and buy everything you bought your mistress for her. This is bad.

  9. If you are meeting your side thing at your place, your neighbors know and sometimes they talk to girlfriends. Especially if you live in an apartment with thin walls.

  10. Girlfriends see text messages on your phone from other women. From miles away. It's like a female radar. Their femme sense goes off the second it shows up in your text box. This is a documented fact.

  11. Girlfriends see strange numbers on your phone and investigate them. This remains true for 800 and 900 numbers as well.

  12. When men cheat, it usually means that they are looking for something their girlfriend is not providing. Realize that your real relationship is already screwed.

  13. If you truly love your girlfriend, expect some serious, painful guilt. I mean, the kind that gnaws at your soul. If you still have one.

  14. You could end up on one of those fun websites in the spotlight like WomanSavers.com

  15. Your girlfriend's family and friends have a longer memory than she does. Long after girlfriend forgave you, her family and friends will still hate you.

  16. Your girlfriend WILL cheat on you in retaliation. She won't tell you about it, ever, but she and her girlfriends will share many a giggle at your expense. Oh yeah, the guy she cheats with will be hotter than you.

  17. If she does "grudge fuck" someone else to get back at you, if possible, it will be with someone you hate. Or worse, your best friend.
  18. Your girlfriend will try harder than anything to forget what you did. She will not. It will always hurt.

  19. Trying to date two women costs three times as much.

  20. If you want to fix things with your girlfriend, she will forgive you, but the relationship will change. She will always have trust issues with you from that moment on, no way around it. Besides, you deserve it.

  21. If your girlfriend chooses not to forgive you and it looks as if she has moved on; She has, move on. Don't go crazy and stab someone just because you got caught. Especially on national TV, like this idiot..

  22. If you are going to try and come clean and fix things with your girl, expect that she will ask for all the sordid details. She will likely get even more hurt and pissed when you describe what you and other babe did, but if you lie, she will know it and get hurt worse. More importantly, whatever you did with her, your girlfriend will refuse to do with you - ever. It is too "painful" to even think about, much less perform.

  23. A girlfriend is not beyond installing monitoring software or a physical key logger on your PC. Sure it's a crime, but who want's to be the "asshole who cheated on his girlfriend and then filed charges for getting caught". The risk of publicly acknowledging your infidelity is too great.

  24. If your girlfriend has had a "secret crush" on your best friend, now is the time she will "befriend him". You will lose both her and your friend. They will be happier without you.

  25. Even if the other woman says she is cool with just having casual sex with you and is not emotionally committed, its not true, she cares and it will come out at some point. She may become violent.

  26. Your girlfriend and her girlfriends share very intimate details of their lives with each other. She will let everyone know that you cry when having sex.

  27. There are hundreds of signs that you may exhibit that tell your girl that you are cheating that you are unaware of like http://www.cheatingspousepi.com/signs_of_infidelity. You don't realize it, but you are guilty of most of them.

  28. Girlfriends will seek support from YOUR friends and family. They will resent you, not her.

  29. Keep your story straight. Girlfriends are often very methodical and like a criminal defense attorney, they will tear apart your story and try and exploit each gap they find. When they do, they will tear apart you and try to exploit each gap they find. Chances are, you will fail at this. If you are stupid enough to cheat, you aren't smart enough to lie your way out of it.

  30. Girlfriends will "date up" after you since she will realize this will pain you the most. Maybe your boss, or your richer, more successful brother, or sister.

  31. If you share a child together, you will pay support and she will spend it on anything and anyone that she wants to. (see "the new boyfriend" in #30)

  32. Your girlfriend will immediately begin to fantasize about her old boyfriends.

  33. Girlfriends will "scratch" up your prized car/boat/motorcycle, destroy your things or throw them out.

    Sorry, let's try a different view...

    That is 5 pick axes, not just 4.

  34. The well motivated girlfriend will catch you. This is particularly true when you are engaged. Engaged women will pay an expert private investigator to get proof of what you are up to. They will catch you. They will use video cameras too.

    She may "befriend" the investigator to get you back.

  35. Once disposed of, the now ex-girlfriend may contact your next real girlfriend and befriend her, then drop the hammer on you.

  36. Some girlfriends will take things public and put pictures of you in your banana hanger on the internet with a story about what an asshole you are. Everyone online will know about it.

Important Information about Private Investigations:

If you feel that your husband, wife, boy friend or girl friend is cheating on you, be sure to tell us eveything. As your private investigator, we are only able to get you the proof and evidence you need if you tell us the whole story. Anything less can have a dramatic affect on our ability to get you the information you seek. Although we are among the best private investigators in the industry specializing in infidelity and cheating cases who are recognized experts in court, we are not magicians! We cannot make things exist that don’t. We cannot find infidelity where it does not exist and sometimes, despite signs to the contrary, there is no infidelity or it is too infrequent or too well hidden to be found.

Accordingly, we do not guarantee any outcome on any case.

CheatingSpousePI.com is owned and operated by Advanced Surveillance Group, Licensed Private Detectives based in Detroit, Michigan. The agency works on cases nationwide and also contracts with licensed private investigators in other states as needed.

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