Online Service Makes Cheating Easier Than Ever

By Audrey Dutton

“Don’t let his flashy smile get to you!” an anonymous woman writes on DontDateHimGirl.com about her ex-lover Kevin. He’s married, she cautions, telling any woman who meets him to “run, run as fast as you can, and don’t look back.”

But wait. It seems another spurned lover has the same warning. “He had told me that he was separated from his wife, but I found out differently,” she writes. “Sometimes when his wife called, he would tell her that he had to work late, so that we could go out or just have sex somewhere.”

Heard enough? Well, a third woman delivers the same account, with palpable grief. She writes that the word “hurt” doesn’t come close to expressing her feelings.

Then the alleged adulterer responds. “There is an article about me on your Web site that is very untrue,” Kevin’s rebuttal says, adding his (now defunct) e-mail address. “The woman that wrote this is my very psychotic neighbor who is married and tried 3 years ago to get me into a threesome with her and her husband.”

That woman’s husband offers his side of the story, too.

It looks like the he-saids and she-saids won’t end soon.

The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy estimates that 35 to 45 percent of all American marriages bear the burden of emotional or sexual infidelity. As the online dating market grows, so do the opportunities for cheating on a partner. Enter two services, one for those doing the cheating and another for those who have been cheated on: Alibi Network and DontDateHimGirl.com. While one company goes to great lengths to conceal affairs, the other exposes cheaters to the world.

The Alibi Network is a small Chicago-based company whose sole purpose is to construct alibis. Consultants devise cover-ups for any legal activity, from calling in sick to work–a popular service on the Monday after the Super Bowl–to “virtual employment” for those who are embarrassed to be jobless.

However, covering up infidelities makes up the bulk of the service. Fifty percent of clients want to hide an affair, with men and women equally likely to seek alibis. The Alibi Network has no moral qualms about its service. “We don’t judge,” said Mike DeMarco, spokesman for the company. “If we get emotionally involved, we’re doing our client a disservice.”

“That’s deplorable!” gasped Tasha Jacobs, a public relations specialist from Miami. “Unbelievable.”

While the Alibi Network deals in lies, Jacobs’ company tries to expose the liars. Her Web site, DontDateHimGirl.com, is intended “to get guys to change their behavior,” she said, “or at least think twice before they cheat because they know there are consequences.”

DontDateHimGirl.com is a database with a heavy salting of scandalous drama. Angry and brokenhearted lovers can post allegations of betrayal, stamping their exes with a virtual scarlet letter. The exes can try to clear their name with a rebuttal, but the mark is already made. The site gives full names, photographs and identifying information like age and location.

As a result, Jacobs’ site draws ample controversy. Earlier this year, one woman asked Jacobs to remove her accusations about a cheating ex-boyfriend after a judge ordered her to stop publicly airing complaints. And the Web site’s blog, which highlights “cheaters of the day,” is peppered with questions from readers, blaming the women for choosing bad boys and wondering about the proof behind anonymous accusations.

Jacobs says she vets all submissions, often calling or e-mailing women to ask for solid evidence, like telephone records. And before a woman can submit her story, she must agree to the DontDateHimGirl.com terms of user policy, stating that she is telling the truth.

Amid the controversy, the site is growing, with more than 1,100 alleged cheater profiles. Jacobs hopes the database will help women judge whether a potential suitor is bad news.

In mid-March, Jacobs will launch the sister–or brother–site, DontDateHerMan.com. “It was only fair,” she said. Plus, “all of my guy friends convinced me to do it.”

DontDateHimGirl.com is not the only Web site of its kind. TrueDater.com, UnfaithfulPeople.com and WomanSavers.com also list alleged cheaters by the thousands.

This is where the Alibi Network finds its market: When wandering-eyed mates fear that their rendezvous might be exposed, they turn to the network. After less than a year, the Alibi Network is already turning a profit, and DeMarco says no clients have reported getting caught.

Their alibis are high tech and elaborate, but affordable. A cover-up phone call to an unsuspecting spouse costs $25 to $50. Shopping discreetly for a ski trip with the mistress? That costs $35. And an e-mail alibi starts at $10.

Ongoing alibis, however, are the most detailed. If a client wants to sneak off for a weekend rendezvous with a lover, the Alibi Network can send him a faux job offer letter, under the guise of its partner company, along with an invitation to a weekend training session. To corroborate the lie, consultants create a Web site for a fake hotel, where the duped significant other can call a fake hotel desk. The fake clerk? That’s an Alibi Network operator. The company even patches telephone calls home, to look like they come from Chicago, Manhattan, Los Angeles–anywhere in the United States.

The monetary price for creating this illusion “depends on individual circumstances,” the company said.

But the personal price of cheating, says one relationship ethicist, is far deeper.

“A lot of people lead double lives,” said Elaine Englehardt, a Utah Valley State College philosophy professor and relationship ethics expert. “I do think they have a fractured sense of the world, a fractured personality.” She said that self-deception plays a large role in affairs, on the part of both partners. It is common for cheated-on spouses to ignore their suspicions. And when the affair is hidden so well that one partner finds out years later, she said, it’s even worse: “The other spouse feels like such a fool.”

Englehardt does not necessarily agree with outing a cheating partner on DontDateHimGirl.com, either. “I wouldn’t use the service, but I think there are those who will use it and those who will abuse it,” she said, adding that single women often consult the grapevine when trying to figure out a date’s track record. The database, she said, isn’t much different from that.

Does she think the database is ethical? “You’re responsible for making your own judgments about what’s going on around you,” she said, so take the stories with a grain of salt. But, she added, it’s important to learn as much as possible about a prospective partner.

As for using the Alibi Network, Englehardt isn’t so approving. “The better thing is for a person to look at [the affair] and say, ‘Is this the type of person I really want to be?’” Instead of covering up an affair, she wrote in an e-mail, “just confess, save the relationship and try to move on.”

When asked if he thinks his company’s services are unconscionable, DeMarco said, “It’s almost like if we’re brick makers.” The distinction, he said, is whether that brick is used to smash a windshield or build a house. “We’re a service. We’re here for people to use how they please.”

Englehardt offered a different analogy: “Like a brick to a crumbling house is how I’d put it,” she said.

Four Wisconsin women use Krazy Glue to get even with Cheating Spouse

get even with cheating spouse

Four Wisconsin women use Krazy Glue to get even with Cheating Spouse

A married man who planned to rendezvous with one of his handful of lovers at a Wisconsin motel instead found himself bound, blindfolded and assaulted by a group of women out for revenge, according to court documents.

Four women, including his wife, eventually showed up to humiliate the man, who ended up with his penis glued to his stomach to punish him for a lover’s quadrangle gone bad, according to the documents filed in Calumet County.

Now it’s the women who face punishment, perhaps six years in prison, and at least one said Monday she’s embarrassed now.

AP coverage

 

We highly recommend not using Krazy Glue on your cheating husband.

Tennessee Senator has Affair with Intern and Resigns

The Tennessee state senator said he was opposed to sex outside marriage, but his private life told a different story: He was having an affair with his 22-year-old intern.When an extortion plot exposed married Republican Sen. Paul Stanley’s illicit relationship, he said he would be “clearing up” misimpressions later. He’s now clearing out his office, the latest politician caught in a sex scandal, this one made worse by not coming clean.

More

Can There be a Happy Marriage After an Affair?

We all know what happens when couples split after an affair, but what happens to those couples who decide to stay together after an affair? Most pairs who have worked through and resolved their betrayal trauma can enjoy a lifelong happy marriage. For some, overcoming this crisis bonds them for life in a healthier marriage.

Do not assume that an affair automatically implies an end to your marriage.

Understand that physical, emotional or online connection is a betrayal of your spouse.

Treat infidelity as a major relationship trauma to be overcome through openness, talks and treatment toward a recommitment to each other.

Recall the nature of your marriage prior to your infidelity. If you have been previously satisfied and feel repentance, you can, with therapy, rebuild your marriage. Ecstasy is short-lived, commitment is rewarding for life.

Understand that your partner’s infidelity is his/her personal weakness — not a reflection on you. Seek the depth of your forgiveness.

Use professional help to facilitate your reunification work.

Read more

 

If you suspect that your spouse is having an affair, give us a call today to see how we can help!

After an Affair

Fun places to cheat in Liverpool

Although infidelity is not a laughing matter, we found an article on Liverpool Confidential that had a new twist on talking about different places to cheat.

Some fun quotes include:

 METRO. 5-9 VICTORIA STREET. L2 5QA. Tel: 0151 236 2200
Ten reasons to have your affair here:
1. It’s got a French theme. The French invented affairs.
2. Booths. Lovely red booths.
3. Wine. You’ll be needing that.
4. Jazz – making sordid little encounters seem sophisticated and meaningful since 1921.
5. It’s downstairs, away from prying eyes.

 If you’re having your affair on a Monday (and I’d recommend it – your partner will never suspect you’re having an affair on a Monday – it’s a very Thursday thing to do) then there’s acoustic guitar karaoke which should cover any embarrassing silences and give a Guinness-fuelled him/her the opportunity to authenticate your romance with a passionate, trashed rendition of ‘Me And Mrs Jones’.

and

 Look, you won’t be eating for a start: this is an affair, not the semi-finals of Masterchef, and if it’s a bit pricey – GOOD. It should be pricey, you’re doing something extraordinary – you’re going against society’s will and putting your relationship in jeopardy.

Read it all here and props to Stanley McHale

Infidelity in the Workplace

Infidelity in the WorkplaceAll too often clients call and ask about our ability to capture evidence of infidelity in the workplace. The unfortunate reality about affairs in the office is that even if people suspect that it is going on, the cheaters are likely to be very cautious so as not to get caught. Obviously if people are ducking into an empty room for a tryst, no private investigator is going to be able to document that activity. Despite the obvious barriers to success in capturing infidelity in the workplace, there can be an opportunity. In some instances people will go into work early to hook up or stay late and wait until everyone else has left. After these evening hook ups, the cheaters will often leave together and do things like kiss in the parking lot, go to a motel if others are working late or drive somewhere to fornicate in the car. A good investigator can take advantage of these opportunities and get you proof.

A Warning About Vehicle Trackers

A large number of companies are selling vehicle trackers over the internet for use to monitor your spouse or partner. Unfortunately, there are a growing number of state laws that prohibit using these devices in many different situations, including in some states, married people using them to monitor their spouse when investigating infidelity. Even if your spouse found the device and would not press charges against you, if it is found in the wrong situation, once the police are notified, they may charge you anyway.

We recommend giving us a call or getting a legal opinion before using any vehicle tracker.

 

Vehicle trackers may lead you here...and then to court.

You Know They’re Cheating, But Have No Idea When

What should you do if you are aware that they’re cheating, but have no idea when?

First of all, don’t get angry with your investigator.

Any good investigator will have many questions for you, one of the most important being, where and when will the surveillance begin?

We don’t ask this question to frustrate you. We realize that in most cases, “if you knew that” you wouldn’t need us. Well, here’s the thing, we don’t know your husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend at all. I don’t know that your significant other works late on Tuesdays and Thursdays, has dinner with his folks every Sunday at 5 and has his kids every Wednesday and every other weekend, for example.

With that being said, there are a couple of things you can consider when choosing your most effective “start time”.

Rule out the periods of time when you are absolutely certain that it CANNOT be happening, i.e., those times listed above. Once you put pen to paper, you may see a clear pattern of behavior emerge, for example; Aha! Monday evenings, he is supposed to get off of work at 5, but he never gets home until 8. There you have it, your rock solid start time.

But he’s in sales, you say. He is his company’s most valued employee as he is tireless in his dedication to his work and clients. He is ALWAYS working, you say.

Well, have no fear. Here is when some good, ol’ fashioned creativity comes in handy. If cheater offers no clear opportunity, then we will create one for him.

Do you ever travel? Enjoy weekend visits with your folks or old friends? Not usually?

Well, do it now. Hire yourself a professional investigator to monitor the where-abouts of your sweetie. Give him plenty of notice. If cheater is seeing someone else who is supposedly in a committed relationship, this will give them an opportunity to get their stories straight and free them self of their significant other during the same time.

Still nothing? You say, “but we haven’t spent one night apart in 25 years……”

Then you leave your investigator very few options. You must increase your budget.

We hate to ask. We like to work cost efficiently. But in cases such as the above, we just have to ask you to pick a time and go for it. Perhaps you can start with 30-40 hours. Let the investigator get out in the field to get a feel for his subject. He may find that after 5 hours spent tailing the subject, he has an idea of what’s going on and can offer helpful suggestions as far as when the subsequent surveillance sessions should realistically begin.

We do hope that these tips help. We want to help you, but remember, you’ve loved this person for how long now and you don’t know what’s going on.

We certainly have no idea……

More Drama in the Case of the Texas Wife Who Ran Over Her Cheating Husband

The AP reported that the famous saga of a woman who killed her cheating husband by mowing him down with her luxury car returns to court Tuesday in a civil case Clara Harris filed against her former defense attorney. Jury selection is set to begin more than three years after Harris filed a lawsuit claiming Houston attorney George Parnham overcharged to defend her in the 2003 murder trial that garnered international attention.

Harris, 50, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for running over her philandering spouse in a hotel parking lot in 2002 after confronting him with his mistress. The lawsuit claims Harris hired Parnham for $75,000 but wound up paying more than $235,000.

Cheating husband pays when wife runs over him with her luxury car.

Should a Private Investigator Help you Find your Old Girlfriend?

Should people enlist the help of a private investigator to find an old girlfriend?
The answer is a resounding, absolutely, and, no way.

That makes no sense, you say.  Well, let me give you some points to ponder before you get upset with me.

I don’t know who you are.  I am sure you are a fine person of strong moral character and certainly a pillar of integrity within your community, but none-the-less, you are a stranger to me.  I have been specifically trained to question anything unfamiliar to me.  Please don’t be offended when I am unmoved by proclamations to the effect of “I’m not crazy”.

You must understand that I have no idea of the circumstances behind the demise of your past relationship.  I am always curious though, if she wanted to remain friends with you, why did she not provide you with her forwarding information?  Never-the-less, I am not always so cynical.  I know that friends lose touch.  I know that people grow up and move away and friendships get lost in life’s shuffle.  If this is true in your case, then nothing will bring me greater joy then to reunite you and your friend, but let’s consider the more sinister side of people and their motives.

At least once a day, I’ll get a call from a seemingly kind man who “just lost his wife” and would enjoy reconnecting with his “first love” just to see how she is and how her life is going.  Well, my first instinct is to be moved by the romance of it all.  How special she must be that she is thought of so highly after so many years……sigh….but I digress….

Suddenly, I am reminded of the harsh reality of “sometimes”.  Sometimes seemingly kind man has a restraining order against him.  Sometimes “first love” is unrequited and would tremble if she thought a private investigator revealed her whereabouts to her ex boyfriend.

As professional private investigators we have a duty to know the intentions of our prospective clients.  We have a policy here from which we never deviate; we will NEVER release our subject’s personal information without her permission.  We also make it our business to know exactly who our clients are so it should not come as a surprise when I ask you for the first 5 or last 4 digits of your social security number on our investigations agreement.  I want to be sure that you are who you say you are.

Okay, with all that being said, let’s assume you’re on the up and up.  Let’s say that you want to know whether your ex is married or single before you decide to contact her.  No problem.  I am perfectly willing to let you know what I believe her marital status to be (this is not free of charge).  If it appears she is attached, you may decide to hold off on contacting her.  We will file her information for future reference in case circumstances change for either of you.

If she is free, one of our female investigators will contact her to offer your contact information, or obtain her permission to release hers to you.  We can also forward a handwritten letter from you, to her.  This allows us to withhold her information while still allowing you to reach out to her.

I’m a huge romantic and a fan of first loves reuniting in the second half of their lives. I just want to be sure that both parties are as pleased as I am about the prospect of becoming reacquainted with each other.  I hope you understand.   I hope you take comfort in knowing that I will protect your information as diligently as I do hers.