Information about how surveillance is conducted and what you can expect from the private investigators efforts.

Wife Who Ran Down Cheating Spouse Must Pay Up

HOUSTON — A Texas woman who repeatedly drove over her cheating husband, killing him in a jealous rage, has been ordered to pay her in-laws millions of dollars.

They’ll be dividing-up $3.75 million after winning a wrongful-death lawsuit against Clara Harris, 48.

Harris ran down her husband, David Harris, 44, in her Mercedes in 2002 after finding him on a hotel parking lot with his mistress.

Harris was convicted of murder in 2003 and sentenced to 20 years in prison.

Gerald and Mildred Harris sought $5 million in their wrongful death lawsuit. Gerald Harris said the jury heard their story and returned an equitable decision.

Clara Harris took the stand, but repeatedly invoked her Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination.

Her attorney, Dean Blumrosen, said he didn’t want to risk having her say anything in the civil trial that might endanger the appeal of her 2003 murder conviction.

Blumrosen said Clara Harris isn’t upset about the money, she expected the lawsuit and expected to pay.

Wife Who Ran Down Cheating Husband Ordered to Pay In-Laws

How To Catch A Cheating Spouse In The Act

Tuesday January 16, 2007

You’ve pledged your love to each other, written mash notes and insisted this time it’s for real. Welcome to the world of broken hearts, where all those promises get blown away in the blink of an infidelity.

If you’re in that boat, Pam Seatle has details on how you can stay afloat during the mutiny and the high tech help that’s available for those tracking a cheating heart. To see her report, click the video links.

Here’s what the experts say are some ways to tell if your spouse is running around on you. Remember, not every clue is an indicator in itself. But the aggregate weight of all these factors could be telling you something.

Watch for:

-Someone spending excessive time in online chat rooms

-Frequent “I have to work late” excuses.

-Sudden emotional distance.

-Sudden decreased interest in sex.

-Things being hidden from you (a separate bank account, a secret mail drop)

-Car passenger seats constantly being readjusted to a position you wouldn’t use.

-Increased wrong numbers or call hang ups from blocked numbers. (Try redial and see who answers). Also: quick and furtive whispered phone calls.

-Perfume/lipstick/hair that’s not yours on clothing.

-Unexplained ATM withdrawals

-Accidentally left behind credit card slips for hotels, jewellery, or purchases you’ve never seen.

-Uncharacteristic findings – like cigarettes stubbed out in an ashtray and you don’t smoke or they’re not your brand.

-The ‘visiting a sick friend’ ploy.

-Sudden interest in appearance or clothing where none existed before.

-Suddenly and repeatedly bringing you flowers (sign of a guilty conscience).

-Unexplained mileage on the car.

How To Catch A Cheating Spouse

If you suspect that your spouse is cheating, contact us today to see how we can help!

Michigan Infidelity a Major Crime

January 15, 2007

BY BRIAN DICKERSON

FREE PRESS COLUMNIST

In a ruling sure to make philandering spouses squirm, Michigan’s second-highest court says that anyone involved in an extramarital fling can be prosecuted for first-degree criminal sexual conduct, a felony punishable by up to life in prison.

“We cannot help but question whether the Legislature actually intended the result we reach here today,” Judge William Murphy wrote in November for a unanimous Court of Appeals panel, “but we are curtailed by the language of the statute from reaching any other conclusion.”

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“Technically,” he added, “any time a person engages in sexual penetration in an adulterous relationship, he or she is guilty of CSC I,” the most serious sexual assault charge in Michigan’s criminal code.

No one expects prosecutors to declare open season on cheating spouses. The ruling is especially awkward for Attorney General Mike Cox, whose office triggered it by successfully appealing a lower court’s decision to drop CSC charges against a Charlevoix defendant. In November 2005, Cox confessed to an adulterous relationship.

Murphy’s opinion received little notice when it was handed down. But it has since elicited reactions ranging from disbelief to mischievous giggling in Michigan’s gossipy legal community.

The ruling grows out of a case in which a Charlevoix man accused of trading Oxycontin pills for the sexual favors of a cocktail waitress was charged under an obscure provision of Michigan’s criminal law. The provision decrees that a person is guilty of first-degree criminal sexual conduct whenever “sexual penetration occurs under circumstances involving the commission of any other felony.”

Charlevoix Circuit Judge Richard Pajtas sentenced Lloyd Waltonen to up to four years in prison after he pleaded guilty to two felony counts of delivering a controlled substance. But Pajtas threw out the sexual assault charge against Waltonen, citing the cocktail waitress’ testimony that she had willingly consented to the sex-for-drugs arrangement.

Charlevoix prosecuting attorney John Jarema said he decided to appeal after police discovered evidence that Waltonen may have struck drugs-for-sex deals with several other women.

Cox’s office, which handled the appeal on the prosecutor’s behalf, insisted that the waitress’ consent was irrelevant. All that mattered, the attorney general argued in a brief demanding that the charge be reinstated, was that the pair had sex “under circumstances involving the commission of another felony” — the delivery of the Oxycontin pills.

The Attorney General’s Office got a whole lot more than it bargained for. The Court of Appeals agreed that the prosecutor in Waltonen’s case needed only to prove that the Oxycontin delivery and the consensual sex were related. But Murphy and his colleagues went further, ruling that a first-degree CSC charge could be justified when consensual sex occurred in conjunction with any felony, not just a drug sale.

The judges said they recognized their ruling could have sweeping consequences, “considering the voluminous number of felonious acts that can be found in the penal code.” Among the many crimes Michigan still recognizes as felonies, they noted pointedly, is adultery — although the Prosecuting Attorneys Association of Michigan notes that no one has been convicted of that offense since 1971.

Some judges and lawyers suggested that the Court of Appeals’ reference to prosecuting adulterers was a sly slap at Cox, noting that it was his office that pressed for the expansive definition of criminal sexual conduct the appellate judges so reluctantly embraced in their Nov. 7 ruling.

Murphy didn’t return my calls Friday. But Chief Court of Appeals Judge William Whitbeck, who signed the opinion along with Murphy and Judge Michael Smolenski, said that Cox’s confessed adultery never came up during their discussions of the case.

“I never thought of it, and I’m confident that it was not something Judge Murphy or Judge Smolenski had in mind,” Whitbeck told me Friday. But he chuckled uncomfortably when I asked if the hypothetical described in Murphy’s opinion couldn’t be cited as justification for bringing first-degree criminal sexual conduct charges against the attorney general.

“Well, yeah,” he said.

Cox’s spokesman, Rusty Hills, bristled at the suggestion that Cox or anyone else in his circumstances could face prosecution.

“To even ask about this borders on the nutty,” Hills told me in a phone interview Saturday. “Nobody connects the attorney general with this — N-O-B-O-D-Y — and anybody who thinks otherwise is hallucinogenic.”

Hills said Sunday that Cox did not want to comment.

The Court of Appeals opinion could also be interpreted as a tweak to the state Supreme Court, which has decreed that judges must enforce statutory language adopted by the Legislature literally, whatever the consequences.

In many other states, judges may reject a literal interpretation of the law if they believe it would lead to an absurd result. But Michigan’s Supreme Court majority has held that it is for the Legislature, not the courts, to decide when the absurdity threshold has been breached.

Whitbeck noted that Murphy’s opinion questions whether state lawmakers really meant to authorize the prosecution of adulterers for consensual relationships.

“We encourage the Legislature to take a second look at the statutory language if they are troubled by our ruling,” he wrote.

Hills declined to say whether the Attorney General’s Office would press for legislative amendments to make it clear that only violent felonies involving an unwilling victim could trigger a first-degree CSC charge.

“This is so bizarre that it doesn’t even merit a response,” he said.

Meanwhile, Waltonen has asked the state Supreme Court for leave to appeal the Court of Appeals ruling. He still hasn’t been tried on the criminal sexual conduct charge. His attorney said a CSC conviction could add dozens of years to Waltonen’s current prison sentence.

Justices will decide later this year whether to review the Court of Appeals’ decision to reinstate the CSC charge.

The appeals court decision is available at http://courtofappeals.mijud.net/resources/opinions.htm. Search for Docket No. 270229.

Contact BRIAN DICKERSON at 248-351-3697 or bdickerson@freepress.com.

Woman Sues Reality TV Show For Fraud, Assault

(CBS) LOS ANGELES A young woman who alleges she was duped into playing a cheating spouse in a Spanish-language reality television show sued the director and the station that aired the show.

Elizabeth I. Anderson filed her lawsuit Tuesday in Los Angeles Superior Court. Among the defendants are Hearst-Argyle Television Inc., the owners of Spanish-language KCRA, and Alejandra Duque, producer/director of the series “Secretos.”

Anderson alleges fraud, misrepresentation, negligent supervision, intentional infliction of emotional distress, defamation and assault and battery.

She is asking for unspecified general, medical and punitive damages.

“Secretos” is about a team of private investigators led by J.C. Uribe who track down unfaithful spouses and friends to uncover their secrets. Uribe also is named as a defendant.

Anderson’s suit alleges the series implies that the cast members are real people who cheat on their spouses. In reality, the show is scripted, and the characters are actors who have no idea they will be on “Secretos” and portrayed as they are, the lawsuit stated.

The lawsuit was filed in Los Angeles because scenes involving Anderson were filmed in the city, including a “confrontation” on Melrose Avenue in which Anderson was assaulted and suffered a concussion, according to the lawsuit.

Officials with Hearst-Argyle were unavailable for immediate comment.

According to the lawsuit, Anderson, who is fluent in Spanish, was hired for an acting assignment by the defendants in January 2005 when she was 20 and a recent graduate of New York University. She was not told she was going to appear in an episode of “Secretos,” the lawsuit stated.

The first scenes were shot at the home of a friend of Duque, where Anderson and a male actor were told they were going to act out an implied sex scene in which she would remove the man’s shirt, the lawsuit stated.

But when the cameras started rolling, Duque and the cameraman started telling Anderson to take off her clothes, the lawsuit stated.

Anderson objected and started to walk off the set, but Duque apologized and persuaded her to stay, the lawsuit stated.

A rehearsal for the next few scenes occurred on Melrose Avenue, the lawsuit stated. There, Anderson and the same male actor were met by three “Secretos” investigators, according to the lawsuit.

Another male actor who was playing Anderson’s jealous husband then attacked the man she was walking with, the lawsuit stated. Anderson was hit in the face and head and fell unconscious to the ground, according to the lawsuit.

The “Secretos” crew members told Anderson to stop crying and gave her $60 to see a doctor, the lawsuit stated.

Anderson was so traumatized she quit acting and moved away from Los Angeles, the lawsuit stated.

Spotting a Cheater

Spotting a CheaterLong ago, in the land of happiness and bliss you were both so in love that you both seemed inseparable. All seemed well in paradise, but after a few years, you have come to realise that things are not like they used to be.

You begin to argue a lot, sometimes your partner does not come home or when he/she does, they go back out and only to return in the wee hours of the morning. Maybe you need to sit and analyse the situation carefully. It may just be that your partner is changing or is under a great level of stress, or maybe he/she is just plain cheating. But how are you to tell for sure? Before any confrontations or jumping to any conclusions, get to the bottom of the problem. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does he/she call you less often?

2. Does he/she make excuses to not see you when you used to be inseparable?

3. Is he/she not where you are told he/she will be?

4. When you call, is he/she not at home?

5. Has he/she become very distant or more affectionate than normal on the rare occasions that you are together?

6. Have other people noticed the strange behaviour?

7. Have other people seen him/her with somebody else?

8. Does he/she seem distracted when he/she is with you?

How to prevent cheating

If you answered ‘yes’ to four or more of the above questions, there is a good chance that your he/she may be cheating. Dr. Sidney McGill, sex therapist, give some tips on how to prevent cheating.

1. Be a helper and encourager: Understand that you might have strengths that your spouse might not have. Complement your spouse wherever he/she has a deficiency. Rather than judging, encourage he/she to become a better person.

2. Keep romance alive: It is often implied that it is the male’s duty to act romantic or initiate intimacy. However, women need to understand it is a joint responsibility.

3. You need to be creative, adventurous and have sex regularly to keep the bond alive.

4. Be forgiving: Try not to keep a list of faults or mistakes.

5. Show unconditional respect: Despite what he/she has done, be respectful.

6. Be a good listener: Participate in intimate discussion with your spouse and be compassionate to each other’s feeling.

7. Try to change unhealthy attitudes: Instead of being ungrateful, be thankful. Focus on the good things rather than the bad.

8. Instead of being controlling, be flexible: Let people make and learn from their own mistakes.

9. Let the difficulties you face in the relationship act as character builders.

10. Accept and work with each other’s differences – don’t expect him/her to be like you.

How to deal with it

If it so happens that your spouse is cheating on you, there are some tips from Dr. McGill on how to deal with such a situation.

1. Recognise and identify what you are going through, for example, feeling hurt, disappointment or anger. Try to stabilise yourself, never confront your spouse in the heat of the moment because that will only compound the situation.

2. Consider why he/she cheated and get a third person to intervene with possible questions that need to be answered.

3. If you discover that he/she has a lifelong cheating problem, then it can only make the situation more difficult. But if it is a case where the offender is willing to change, then you need to seek professional assistance.

4. Try not to tell the whole world because it will only increase your sense of embarrassment. First, speak with a pastor or therapist before seeking therapy for both parties.

5. Take necessary precautions: Get tested for HIV/AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases.

6. After the grieving process, take steps towards healing and regain control of your life.

If you or anyone you know is a victim of cheating, sex addiction or any other sexual related condition you can consult Dr. McGill at 972-1805 or e-mail: fccjam@yahoo.com.

Top Ten Infidelity News Stories of 2006

Infidelity expert Ruth Houston’s Third annual list of top ten infidelity news stories for the year 2006.

(PRWeb) December 26, 2006 — This is the third annual list of top infidelity news stories for the year compiled by Ruth Houston, a New York- based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity-related breaking news, celebrity infidelity, high profile infidelity court cases and popular infidelity issues in the news. Ruth Houston is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com and the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs.

1. Brokeback Mountain won 3 Oscars and spawned the term “Brokeback marriages”, focusing national attention on same-sex infidelity and gay married men.

2. BET’s documentary, “The Down Low Exposed” raised public awareness of same-sex infidelity among Black men as a contributing factor to the high rate of HIV/AIDS among Black women.

3. The arrest of Richard Kudlik, a married man who impersonated a US Marshal to dupe 11 single women into having affairs with him, through a chat room for women over 40. This brought widespread attention to married men trolling dating sites to find unsuspecting single women with whom to have extramarital affairs.

4. Super model Christie Brinkley’s divorce from Peter Cook because of his year long affair with a 19-year-old toy store employee, whom he seduced after hiring her to work as his $50-an-hour personal assistant.

5. Worldwide Valentine’s Day Infidelity Awareness campaign spearheaded by infidelity expert Ruth Houston, founder of InfidelityAdvice.com, alerting infidelity victims that on Valentine’s Day infidelity reaches its peak, thus making it the best day to catch a cheating mate, and the busiest day of the year for PI’s specializing in infidelity investigations.

6. Jim McGreevey’s book, The Confession, discussing the intimate details of his same sex infidelity with an aide, which ultimately led to his resignation as governor of New Jersey and subsequent divorce.

7. ABC’s Prime Time Special “Out of Control: AIDS in the Black Community” which linked the HIV/AIDS epidemic among Blacks to the failure of the Black clergy to address the problem of same-sex infidelity. It spurred Black churches nationwide to take an active role in educating Black women about Black men on the down low.

8. The Federal investigation of New York attorney general candidate Jeanine Pirro for asking ex-NYPD Commissioner Bernard Kerik to bug her husband’s boat because she suspected him of having yet another extramarital affair.

9. Reese Witherspoon’s divorce from Ryan Philippe because of his alleged affair with Australian actress Abbie Cornish while filming “Stop-Loss.”

10. The resignation of anti-gay moral crusader Rev. Ted Haggard as head of the National Association of Evangelicals after the discovery of his 3-year same-sex affair with a gay male prostitute.

© 2006 Ruth Houston

—-Compiled by infidelity expert Ruth Houston, author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, and founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com

To interview Ruth, call 718 592-6039
For more information, visit the Press Room at www.InfidelityAdvice.com

ATTENTION : Editors, Reporters and Staff Writers
How many of these infidelity news stories did you cover in 2006?
Did you have ready access to an infidelity expert who could comment on:
• celebrity Infidelity
• high profile infidelity cases
• popular infidelity issues
• infidelity-related breaking news

Add infidelity expert Ruth Houston your expert file
and call her at 718 592-6039 whenever infidelity makes the news (and you can be sure it will) in 2007.

About Ruth Houston:
Infidelity expert, Ruth Houston is the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signswhich documents practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs usually overlooked..

Frequently called on by the media to comment on celebrity infidelity, high profile infidelity court cases, and popular infidelity issues in the news, Ruth has been quoted in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, the New York Post, Cosmopolitan, Newsday, the Toronto Sun , the National Post, the Chicago Tribune, the Miami Herald, City Life, iVillage, MSN Lifestyle, LavaLife, Netscape Love, Entertainment Online, Hollywood Heat, Yahoo Personals, Netscape Love, and numerous other print and online media.

Ruth has been a guest on The Today Show, Good Day New York, Ireland’s Late Late Show, 1010WINS, CNN, Telemundo, Court TV Radio, TalkAmerica, PowerTalkFM, BBC, CBC, Sirius Satellite Radio and over 270 radio and TV talk showsin the United States., Canada, Europe, South America, Australia, New Zealand and the Caribbean.

For more information, visit the PRESS ROOM at www.InfidelityAdvice.com

To interview Ruth Houston,
call 718 592-6039

###

In Japan Cell phones help wives’ doubts ring true about cheating husbands

Mobile phones are the biggest reason behind cheating Japanese husbands getting caught, according to a Shukan Post (12/22) survey on salaryman infidelity.

The top-selling men’s weekly probed 300 married salarymen, finding out that 74 percent had cheated on their wives at least once and 30.2 percent are still playing around.

“I’ve found out that about 80 percent of married men have played around at least once, so the Post findings don’t come as much of a shock at all. It just backs my findings,” Sanae Kameyama, writer of “Furin no Koi de Kurushimu Otokotachi (Men Burdened With Immoral Love),” tells Shukan Post.

Of the cheating salarymen, 35.8 percent had seen their extramarital affairs exposed, with mobile phones being the reason in 22.5 percent of cases. Other common methods of capture included smelling of perfume or being covered in cosmetics, and actually being caught red-handed.

“In my research, too, mobile phones were overwhelmingly the main reason men’s affairs have been discovered. It’s common sense to wipe out your call history and records of who you’ve called, but plenty of people are nabbed when their phones are checked,” Kameyama says. “Women know that the easiest way to check on their husbands is to take a look at their mobile phone records.”

That’s exactly how a 32-year-old Osaka housewife revealed her husband’s infidelity.

“Over the past couple of months, he started acting strangely. He took his phone with him wherever he went, even if it was only to pick up a packet of smokes. He also hid it under his clothes when he took them off to have a bath. He’d never behaved anything like this in the past,” the woman tells Shukan Post. “He wouldn’t check his phone e-mail when we were sitting around watching TV and the final straw for me came when he started hiding his phone under his pillow, saying he wanted to use it as an alarm clock to wake him in the mornings. I followed him one day and it didn’t take long before I spotted him walking along with his arm linked to a young hussy.”

Another woman used a slightly slyer means to catch out her love rat hubby.

“One night I got my husband’s mobile phone and noticed that late on Friday night he’d received 10 different phone calls from a ‘Taro Yamada (roughly the Japanese equivalent of “John Brown”).’ I thought it was a bit weird, so I called the number and the voice on the other end of the phone was clearly a young woman,” the 38-year-old housewife says.

Marriage guidance counselor Hiromi Ikeuchi says that when guys fall for someone other than their wife, they often give off plenty of signs.

“For instance, a man might talk about a new woman come to work in his office and what a nice woman she is. But if he actually starts having an affair with that woman, he’ll completely stop talking about her in the home,” she says. “Often guys give away their infidelity without ever realizing it.”

Catching love rats isn’t entirely a one-way street, though guys have a long way to go before they catch up with their spouses, as only a mere 9 percent of surveyed salarymen said they had caught their wife playing around.

“My guess is that about 80 percent of women wouldn’t mind having a fling and around 30 percent have probably gone through with their wish. I know of one woman who used to cart her 3-month-old baby around to the love hotels where she had her trysts with a secret lover,” Ikeuchi tells Shukan Post. “Starting from April next year, laws will be changed to allow career housewives to claim part of their husband’s pension payments in the event of a split. Many foresee a lot of divorcing going on among the middle-aged and elderly after that. I think that many women will be concealing their own infidelity while trying to find proof of their husbands’ cheating. You’ve got to be careful, you don’t know who you’re really married to.” (By Ryann Connell)

December 18, 2006

Attend Your Spouse’s Office Party

You know the drill for your spouse’s holiday office party. There will be stale snacks, tipsy co-workers and that guy with the dumb jokes who always corners you. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if you just stayed home and let your partner have some fun?

In a word — no. That’s the advice of relationship counselors.

“Tell all the spouses! Go to the party!” says Diane Sollee, a marriage therapist who founded SmartMarriages.com.

“The Christmas party is the workplace affair on steroids,” warns Peggy Vaughan, author of “The Monogamy Myth” and a former corporate consultant who founded DearPeggy.com. “It is playing with dynamite is what it is.”

Really? Just the old office gang, getting together for a few adult beverages and a laugh? What could possibly go wrong?

Well, there’s the obvious stuff. A Canon Copiers survey last year of its technicians in the United Kingdom found that 32 percent of service calls over the holidays were “to repair copier glass that had been sat on” or “to fix paper jams that revealed evidence of embarrassing images.”

Ah yes, copier high jinks, a staple of holiday parties. But that’s not where the unfortunate behavior ends. An independent survey of 1,000 office workers in the United Kingdom last year, cited by Canon, found that one-third of respondents have “kissed or gone home with a colleague.” Now we’re getting into problems that could last long after the holiday festivities are over.

University of California psychology Professor Dacher Keltner suggests you take a look at the numbers. His best estimate from the research he’s seen indicates that “35 to 60 percent of couples will experience infidelity.” A conservative estimate would be the University of Chicago’s “American Sexual Behavior” survey of married men and women, which found that 36 percent (22 percent of them men and 14 percent women) would have extramarital affairs.

And like everyone else who studies relationships, Keltner says the Christmas party is a setup for problems.

“You’ve got a collective gathering,” he says, “there’s the eggnog, you’re wearing a Santa hat …”

OK, but aren’t we getting a little paranoid here? After all, it is just a once-a-year party? Not really, says Sollee. She likes to cite the late Shirley Glass, a Baltimore psychologist who was one of the nation’s foremost experts on infidelity.

Glass noted the rise in the number of women in the workplace and the opportunity for interaction. She jokingly suggested that office buildings post a sign out front reading: “Danger, men and women working together here.”

That’s why Sollee suggests that spouses show up at the office regularly, from the holiday party to the company picnic.

“It’s just like war,” she says. “It is harder to shoot people you know. It is like going in and marking your territory.”

And if you suspect your spouse is having an affair, you should definitely go to the Christmas party, says author Ruth Houston. She wrote “Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs.”

Seriously? 829 signs?

“Well, they are divided into 21 categories,” Houston says.

Oh, good. Because otherwise it was starting to sound a little obsessive.

Houston is a holiday party militant. If you suspect your spouse, she says, you can’t afford not to attend.

“If anything is going on, it will be evident,” says Houston. “Someone may be overly friendly, excessively curious, or even hostile.”

Houston also shared her special office party “hot tip” — go to the restroom as often as possible.

“Make a couple of trips,” Houston says. “You never know what you might hear. Go into a stall and hang out. Somebody might say something they aren’t supposed to say, like, ‘Did you see her face when his wife walked in?’ ”

So, have we completely taken the fun out of the holiday party? With 829 telltale signs to worry about, some spouses may be afraid to reach for a chicken wing for fear of setting off an alarm.

With that in mind, Cal’s Keltner offers a contrarian view by referencing the work of psychologist Adam Phillips, who wrote “On Flirtation,” a series of essays on why happily married people flirt.

Keltner says Phillips’ premise is that, “Romantic bonds are just fundamentally ambiguous, so we are constantly flirting. The idea is that we are playfully, rather than seriously, doing something that is universal and that by acknowledging that, it may in fact be beneficial to flirt.”

So how would that apply to the holiday office bash?

“By that theory,” he says, “the Christmas party is actually the glue that holds marriages together.”

So there’s your talking point. All you have to do is convince your spouse. And I’d like to wish you the best of luck.

There’s Always a Way to Catch a Straying Spouse

“Don’t wait up, hon, I’m working a bit late tonight.”

Alex wasn’t alarmed when her lawyer husband uttered that line for the first time six years ago. Business is picking up, she thought, just what he wanted.

The phone call became a regular, expected event by the end of the year. Along with it were solo dinners and evenings that gave Alex plenty of time to think about what was really going on.

DIDN’T ADD UP

“I didn’t think anything of it at first, but then it became twice a week almost every week. Some things didn’t add up,” said Alex, who did not want her last name used.

“I’d get no answer on his cellphone and he’d say the battery was dead. I called his work line and no one would pick up. He told me he did his work in a conference room because it was quieter.”

Turns out, her husband was getting what he wanted, and Alex was the last to know about it. When she confronted him, he would deny he was having an affair and dodged her questions.

She asked his friends but they were mum on the topic. She checked his credit card and cellphone bills but found nothing that implicated him.

At the same time, Alex found that she was having self-esteem and trust issues. She felt insecure and rejected.

“I had no proof yet, but I wondered how he could love someone else,” she said.

At her wit’s end and in a last-ditch effort, Alex hired a private investigator to secretly tail her husband. Three weeks later, she showed her husband a picture of him walking hand-in-hand with a co-worker.

“His face went white like a ghost. He was stunned and, of course, he tried to make up an excuse,” she said. “I kicked him out.”

Alex and her husband divorced two years later.

When people are desperate for answers they turn to Winnipeg’s Janie Duncan, operator of Duncan Investigations, to obtain solid proof of a mate’s secret romps.

Her investigations into a person’s suspected infidelity have led her to the city’s seedy massage parlours.

“It’s a huge industry,” said Duncan, who’s been a private investigator for 17 years.

Trends seem to be changing. In the past, most of her clients were women. Today, more men are hiring her to find out just how faithful their wives are.

“It’s at epidemic proportions,” Duncan said. “People forget about their vows. They think the grass is greener on the other side but when the sex wears off the grass is never greener on the other side.

“People really aren’t as committed (as they used to be),” she said. “It’s easier to leave a marriage than to work on it.”

Based on recent cases, she’s found an increase in the number of people who cheat on a spouse with a friend. Once caught, women tend to admit their mistakes, apologize and seek counselling, Duncan said, while men deny, deny, deny, even if the evidence is in front of them.

“I can only take photos and videos of them going from point A to B. I can’t make any assumptions,” she said. “I’ll leave that up to the courts.”

Some people do their own sleuthing to catch a mate. Companies cash in on products such as electronics, CSI in a box, and computer software.

Oh, the lengths people will go to have piece of mind.

SEMEN DETECTER

One of the quirkier products Toronto-based Spy Tech distributes is the CheckMate semen detection test kit.

“I was surprised how popular the item is,” said Spy Tech owner Ursula Lebana. “I guess there’s still a lot of suspicion out there about cheating.”

CheckMate detects traces of dried semen in underwear and other articles after sex using the five-minute test. A chemical is applied to the stain, then transferred to trace paper before a reaction compound is added.

A colour reaction will let you know if semen is present. The solution doesn’t damage the test subject.

One Toronto father used it to find out of his 13-year-old daughter was sexually active, Lebana said.

Packs of two test kits sell for $50 on CheckMate’s website, www.getcheckmate.com.

Technology has improved by leaps and bounds, and so have the investigative tools and gadgets used to pry and spy. Cue James Bond.

For concrete evidence, tiny surveillance cameras can be used to catch an adulterous spouse in the throes of passion with someone else.

“Covert cameras can be so small that you can hide them in just about anything, and they can be wireless,” said Cheryl Stearns, operations manager of Optima Systems Inc. on Pembina Highway.

Hidden cameras can be wired into most household items. Planters, wall clocks, children’s toys, you name it.

Systems are so sophisticated they can send still images to a person’s cellphone, or people can dial in and watch whatever is happening in the room on a computer.

A basic hidden camera costs about $150, while advanced systems cost hundreds of dollars.

Polygraph tests, sound amplifiers, telephone conversation recorders, and GPS vehicle tracking devices are some of the other products and services out there.

It is illegal to attach a GPS device to a vehicle without the owner’s approval, Stearns said.

Endless Array of Partners Wait on Net

By CHRIS KITCHING

Alone in his computer room on a Saturday night, Tony clicked on sports website after sports website, scrolling through hockey summaries and updating his fantasy football team.

Splattered on every page were colourful ads featuring scantily clad women, sports magazine offers, and various unaffiliated websites. One of them caught his eye.

With his wife watching TV in the den and their two kids snug in bed, Tony nervously created a profile and searched the member database of an international online dating service.

He didn’t really understand why he was doing it, or what he was looking for, but he knew it had something to do with a feeling something in his relationship was absent.

“My wife and I were happy in an emotional sense, and we still are, but for awhile I felt like something was lacking and that I was bored sexually,” said Tony, which is not the 33-year-old man’s real name. “I regret that night. It changed my life.”

Tony deleted his profile within a week and vowed to remain faithful to his wife of several years. They met in university and were crazy about each other.

They got married after a couple of years of dating. Soon, they had two kids, full-time careers, and extra-curricular activities that kept them busy and apart.

Life had basically become a routine and their sex life was on the decline. They barely had time or the energy for each other, Tony said.

“It seems like such a weak reason to seek out someone else but at the time it was a major factor in my life,” he said. “It affected everything I did and everything about me. My attitude, all of that stuff.”

A few months passed. One night, as Tony and his wife watched a syndicated sitcom, he saw an ad for the Ashley Madison Agency.

The Toronto-based Internet dating service caters to those looking to stray from their better halves, or are the least bit curious about what else is out there.

Within a day, Tony had created a public profile and private photo album, and used his credit card to buy more than $100 in credits that would allow him to interact with other members.

Even though he hadn’t made contact yet with anyone, Tony said he was already having an affair because he was doing something “wrong” behind his wife’s back.

At 1.45 million members (85% of them men), Ashley Madison is the largest website of its kind. Of those, 10,700 are in Manitoba. The website’s slogan is “When monogamy becomes monotony.”

Its member count is proof the Internet is now the No. 1 place for cheaters to hook up. Emotional affairs are common. Some people take them out of cyberspace and into the real world.

Tony did.

He met an older woman who shared his feelings. They chatted and flirted over the Net during the day when Tony was at his office and the woman was at home and her husband at work.

VIRTUAL MISTRESS

“I was looking for attention and sex. The Internet made it seem so easy to get,” he said.

Knowing his wife and kids would be out of town for the weekend, Tony took a major leap — he asked his virtual mistress if she’d meet him at a St. Vital hotel.

She lied to her husband, telling him she was going out for drinks with friends, Tony said.

Tony’s wife doesn’t know he had a one-night stand.

“I couldn’t tell her. Am I a coward? Maybe,” Tony said. “I know what I did was wrong. I’ll never do it again, but I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”

The Internet is popular grounds for finding a fellow cheating heart because it’s convenient and a person can maintain a level of anonymity, said Darren Morgenstern, operations director and founder of the Ashley Madison Agency.

People who are going to stray are going to find a way to do it, he said.

“To the people who need us, we provide a safe, reliable forum for them to come out and explore the full gamut of their feelings,” Morgenstern said. “They can decide if the grass is truly greener on the other side.”

The website has its critics.

“You’re always going to have a group of people who don’t agree with your business model and we don’t pretend to be for everybody,” Morgenstern said.

Infidelity author Ruth Houston said 30% of online affairs move out of the computer room and become sexual affairs in the bedroom. Or backseat of a car. Or hotel room. You get the idea.

“The Internet makes it infinitely easier to find a person to cheat with,” Houston said.

Traditionally, a person would go to a public place to seek out a willing partner at the risk of being slapped in the face or caught, she said.

That willing partner is sometimes unaware of the person’s attachment.

“Now, all a person has to do is sit in front of a computer to have an endless array of available partners at the click of a mouse,” Houston said. “The (spouse) can be sitting in the same room, totally unaware of what the person is doing.”

A secret emotional relationship that doesn’t leave the confines of cyberspace is emotional infidelity, no matter what the defence, Houston said.

“Emotional infidelity is the precursor to sexual infidelity,” she said.

“If it goes on long enough and it’s feasible for the two people to meet eventually they will.”