Quick Tips To Help Keep Your Spouse From Having An Affair
Stay connected with your spouse.
One of the best ways to ensure your marriage is to maintain the friendship you have with your spouse. Many times, what men miss most is the time they spend just hanging out with their wives. Wives often miss the connection they have with their husband, that feeling that they can speak to him about anything, anytime. That’s why so many affairs begin as friendships.
Life can give us so many tasks that we often lose the ability to just sit and talk. For a husband, you should encourage him to share his feelings with you. For your wife, she is often stuck talking to little kids all day and needs to connect to a real adult world. Talking alone will not prevent an affair, but staying connected all the time will make a big difference in the strength of the relationship and itís ability to keep an affair out of the picture.
Keep your sex life active and talk often about what you both want and need in bed.
The bottom line cause of many affairs is a lack of some needs from being met. The affair will certainly be revolving around the need for sexual gratification. If you sex life is healthy and open, again the chances of your spouse having an affair decrease dramatically.
If you are concerned that your husband may be considering an affair as part of a mid-life crisis, be as supportive as you can of any healthy ways in which your husband may seek to reinvent himself. Whether it’s training for a marathon, switching careers, or even going in for a little surgical nip and tuck. It may be vain or expensive, but it also may keep him feeling so good about himself that he doesn’t have to look for an ego boost elsewhere, like in an affair.
An affair doesn’t have to end in divorce, but it is a strong wake up call that things are seriously wrong within the relationship. The key is to determine if couple can learn to recognize the real motivations for the affair, as well as develop the skills they need to deal with the underlying problems. If this can be done, they will be able to survive the affair.
The one factor that does have an impact on the ability of a couple to reconcile is the duration of the affair. The longer the affair has been going on, and with it the deception and lies, the more likely the cheating spouse is to repeat this behavior and either continue the affair or to have another one down the road.
At this point, the unfaithful spouse must first take responsibility for his or her actions and end the affair. That means ending contact including telephone calls, letters, messages, email, communicating through friends, etc. You cannot fix what is wrong with a marriage with the added complication of the other person in the picture. Further, all the counseling in the world won’t help if there are three people in the relationship.
Counseling will be of great value post affair. It will aim to identify why the affair happened and to open up both partners to the address their fears, views and feelings. The true aim is to identify the issues that lead to the affair and to teach each other about the depth and intensity of the others feelings. Once this is done, the counseling process shifts to rebuilding trust and building a life that meets each others needs and allows them to communicate those needs easily and freely. Rebuilding trust after an affair can take at least a year, and every couple must find their own way.
The above views are simply the impressions of the authors and are not medical or psychiatric advice. Please consult a licensed professional before acting on the above information.
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