General information about infielity that does not directly relate to private investigations but may be of value to our readers.

Having an Affair? Steer clear of the marital car

People having an affair in Italy would be well advised in future not to use their car for illicit assignations.

An Italian judge yesterday ruled that wives or husbands who suspect marital infidelity are entitled under the law to bug their spouse’s car in the search for incriminating evidence.

The ruling arose in Brescia, northern Italy, where a private detective agency specialising in infidelity cases offered to plant hidden microphones and satellite tracking devices “in a couple of hours” in the cars of suspected spouses, at a cost of up to €1,500 (£1,000).

After some of the devices were found police charged 22 people – including private detectives and mechanics as well as the jealous spouses – with “invasion of privacy”. Yesterday, however, Lorenzo Benini, a judge in Brescia, ruled that to plant bugging devices in a car was “not a criminal offence”.

He said: “However disconcerting this may be, I find no penalty under the law for intercepting private conversations or communications in a vehicle. It is not illegal.”

The judge said that the law forbidding bugging applied only to homes, with a penalty of up to four years in prison.

Judge Benini acknowledged that the loophole was “a cause for alarm”, but he insisted that “the law is the law”. He said that he was obliged to acquit the 22 accused, but suggested that parliament might “take another look” at privacy laws in Italy and tighten them up.

In a country where corruption is rife, there are fears that the loophole could also be exploited by those engaged in other forms of espionage, industrial or political.

The wrath – and torment – of cheated husbands or wives is a constant theme of Italian cinema, from Divorce, Italian Style with Marcello Mastroianni to Amore mio, aiutami (Help Me, My Love) starring Monica Vitti.

In a separate case yesterday, the Court of Cassation, the highest court of appeal in Italy, ordered an “obsessively jealous” husband not only to leave the marital home but to move to another town altogether to stop him trying to control his wife’s every move.

The court said that the husband, named only as Roberto under privacy laws, had in effect imprisoned his wife, Maria, by forbidding her to leave their home at Lecce, in Puglia, southern Italy, and installing a video surveillance camera outside the house to make sure that she obeyed.

It said that he had also obliged her to have his mother to stay in the house whenever he spent a night away.

The appeal judges rejected his plea that his actions arose from his “loving attentions” toward his wife. Corriere della Sera said that the two judgments showed that despite Italy’s reputation for a relaxed attitude to matters of the heart, marital jealousy was “stronger than ever”.

A survey in Donna Moderna, a women’s magazine, said that 92 per cent of Italian women would not forgive their husband for betraying them. The survey was taken after the resignation this week of Cosimo Mele, a Catholic MP from the Christian Democrat party, after it emerged that he had spent a night at a luxury Rome hotel suite with two prostitutes, one of whom was taken to hospital with a cocaine overdose.

Only 8 per cent of women questioned said that they would be understanding if their husband or partner were caught in a similar situation. Mr Mele, who denies taking drugs, blames his behaviour on the loneliness of life as a politician.

The Rome prosecutor has opened an inquiry into the case, saying that the prostitutes’ accounts of events differed in key respects from that of Mr Mele.

Home bugs

In Britain law enforcement agencies are required to seek warrants to place bugs or taps but private citizens are not. This opens the door to all forms of espionage whether personal. professional or political. So Britain’s cheating spouses must also be careful where they conduct their secret trysts. But would-be spies must weigh the risks – victims do have recourse to the civil courts under European legislation

Grandma killed daughter-in-law over affair

LONDON – A 70-year-old British grandmother is facing life imprisonment after being convicted today of the “honour killing” of her son’s wife who she murdered after luring her to India.

Bachan Athwal, 70, who has 16 grandchildren, is believed to be one of the oldest women ever to be convicted of murder in England. Her son was also found guilty of murder.

They will be sentenced on Sept. 19.

The two killed Sikh Heathrow Airport worker Surjit Kaur Athwal, who disappeared in December 1998 after she decided to walk out of her arranged marriage.

Bachan Athwal, a mother-of six, was furious about her daughter-in-law’s plans to leave, which she believed would bring disgrace on the family, London’s Old Bailey court heard.

The pensioner was said to have told one family member that any divorce proceedings “would happen over my dead body”.

The Customs officer was lured to India by her mother-in-law, and her minibus driver husband Sukhdave Singh Athwal, 43, on the pretext of attending family weddings but was instead strangled.

The alarm was raised after the 27-year-old victim failed to return to her home in Hayes, west London. Her body, believed to be somewhere in the Punjab area in India, has never been found.

The verdict is the second involving honour killings in Britain this month. Iraqi Kurd Mahmod Mahmod was jailed for life last week for murdering his daughter after discovering she was having an affair.

“This case highlights how seriously we treat any murder or violence, regardless of the motive, whether it be for financial gain or in the name of so called honour,” said Detective Chief Inspector Clive Driscoll of London’s Specialist Crime Directorate after Thursday’s verdict.

“It is the culmination of over eight years’ work by the Metropolitan Police, and the determination of Surjit’s family, to see the perpetrators brought to justice,” he said.

During the three month trial, the court heard that Surjit’s 10-year arranged marriage — which she entered when she was just 16 — was on the rocks and she was desperate to leave it.

She had asked for a divorce and was having an affair with a colleague. Athwal and her son were so aggrieved they plotted to “get rid of her”, the jury was told.

“She was a vivacious young girl, was Surjit … and she had developed a somewhat Westernised-style of life,” prosecutor Michael Worsley said. She cut her hair short, smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol.

“They were Sikhs, and for the girl to have an affair was obviously something dreadful. Eventually feelings against her boiled over.”

Today is Private Eye Day.

New York, NY 10019 July 23 2007

Today is Private Eye Day.

As the author of an infidelity book packed with hundreds of telltale signs of infidelity that suspicious spouses and significant others can find on their own, infidelity expert Ruth Houston rarely recommends using a private eye to catch a cheating mate.

Houston’s book, Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs documents practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs most people usually overlook And they can all be found using nothing more than your own eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of their mate, and the information in her book.

However, Houston, concedes certain circumstances warrant a suspicious mate hiring a private investigator despite the facts that there are many telltale signs they can easily discover for themselves.

Houston, founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com says, “Some individuals should never attempt to find proof of infidelity on their own. Certain character traits or personal idiosyncrasies will cause people to view even the most innocent behavior as a sign of infidelity. So rather than jumping to conclusions or falsely accusing a spouse or significant other of cheating, it may be best to employ the services of a private eye.”

According to statistics, 85% of women who had a “gut feeling” that their husbands were cheating, turned out to be right. However, Houston cautions, “Intuition can be a very powerful indicator of infidelity, be sure you know the difference between intuition and insecurity. Your suspicious may be totally without merit. Falsely accusing your mate of infidelity can be just as damaging to your relationship as infidelity itself. So be sure you’re on solid ground.”

Houston says your suspicions may turn out to be groundless if you:

• You are suspicious by nature.
• You have a natural distrust of the opposite sex.
• You have issues with jealousy.
• You are emotionally insecure.
• You suffer from low-self esteem.
• You are paranoid.
• You have an overly active imagination.

“If any of the seven statements above apply to you, then you should probably hire a detective to check out your mate. It will be impossible for you to remain objective or open-minded about whatever you find.” says Houston. “You should also hire a licensed private eye if you require court admissible proof. A professional can conduct a fair and impartial investigation, and provide you with the documented proof you need.”

Private investigators are not cheap. Expect to spend several hundred dollars depending on the service you require. Hourly fees start at around $75 and can go as high as $200 or more per hour. Most require a retainer up front equivalent to a minimum of several hours work.

If you’re reluctant to spend that kind of money, then your best bet is to get a copy of Houston’s book, Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs because it lists practically every known sign of infidelity. Why pay someone to find out something you can easily discover yourself? The signs are conveniently grouped into 21 major categories so you can easily find the signs that apply to your mate. Despite the title, most of the signs in the book apply to cheating women, as well as cheating men.

Even if you decide to hire a private eye, Houston still recommends that you first do a little digging on your own. The more basic information you can provide the investigator with, the more quickly and efficiently he or she can work, and the lower your final cost will be. Look for a licensed investigator who specializes in infidelity, spousal, matrimonial, or domestic investigations, as they’re sometimes called.

For more information about infidelity, cheating mates, signs of infidelity and extramarital affairs, visit www.InfidelityAdvice.com

About Ruth Houston:

New York-based infidelity expert Ruth Houston is the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and the author of Is He Cheating on You – 829 Telltale Signs. Frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news, Ruth Houston been quoted in USA Today, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times, the New York Post, Cosmopolitan, Chatelaine, iVillage, MSN Lifestyle, Reuters, UPI, AP, ABC News.com and numerous other print and online media. She has been a guest on The Today Show, Good Day New York, CNN, 1010WINS, Fox News, NBC News, ABC News, BBC, CBC and over 320 radio and TV talk shows worldwide.

To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, call 718 592-6039 or e-mail InfidelityExpert @ gmail.com

Ruth Houston (infidelityexpert@gmail.com)
Infidelity Expert and Author
Lifestyle Publications
P.O. Box 730797
Elmhurst, NY 11373
Phone : 718 592-6039

www.InfidelityAdvice.com

Infidelity Horoscope

Having an extra marital affair?
8 Jul 2007

Astrologer Harsh Khiraiya believes that your horoscope can reveal your tendencies towards extra marital affairs.

The disposable era has arrived. Today everything is quick, fun and disposable – right from eye lenses to relationships. Being monogamous is passe. Having an affair after marriage is trendy! Does the horoscope show or indicate extra marital affairs or flirtatious propensities? Well, it certainly does and it also reveals the reasons for the affair.

Anatomy of an extra martial affair:

An extra marital affair generally takes place due to the following reasons:

Unsatisfied sexual needs incompatibility of personalities.

Lack of intimacy.

Boredom.

Peer pressure (all my friends are having affairs so why shouldn’t I?).

Results show that:

Women tend to be guilty about such relationships while men don’t care.

80 per cent of women flirt because their husbands treat them like dirt while 90 per cent of men just want to have variety in sex.

Women also tend to get emotionally attached to the other partner knowing that they will not divorce their current husbands.

Astrological analysis of an extra marital affair:

So why do people get into extra marital affairs? Do the stars have an answer? Yes they do! From the astrological point of view, the following planets and houses deserve special attention:

Venus:

The planet of love and lust. The primary driver for exotic relationships is Venus. If you have a Venus with Mars or a hyper active Venus you are sure to flirt! However, a Venus with Uranus can make you a sex maniac or a pervert who has affairs to satisfy his or her sexual obsessions.

Jupiter (Guru):

The planet of goodness and religion. It is only when you have a weak jupiter would you think of an extra marital affair. Your conscience does not bite you and you feel you have done nothing wrong. A strong Guru will prevent flirtations.

The 5th house:

The 5th house stands for love, romance, scandals and is the primary indicator of affairs. The classical combinations for such relations are – Venus-Rahu in the 5th or Mars-Venus in the 5th house.

The 7th house:

The 7th house stands for marriage. A strong 7th house means that you will never have affairs because you are devoted to your husband.

The 8th house:

The 8th house indicates sexual attitudes, orgasm, masturbation etc. The 8th house indicates whether the affair will be physical or not.

Predicting extra marital affairs:

Is it possible to predict when you will have an affair or when your current affair will break off ? Absolutely! With the proper charts, the following can be easily and fairly accurately predicted: When are you most likely to have an affair? Will there be multiple affairs or just one? Are the affairs due to lust or emotional dependancies? Will you find a cheat or a good lover?

Conclusion:

So the next time you doubt that your spouse is having an affair, instead of going to the detective agency, just get his or her horoscope checked!

Facts About infidelity

Here are some surprising facts about infidelity:

Approximately 20 to 25 percent of men and 10 to 15 percent of women engage in extramarital sex at least once during their marriage and infidelity has been found to be the single most cited cause of divorce in over 150 cultures.

11 percent of adults who have ever been married or cohabited have been unfaithful to their partner.

Infidelity is influenced by many social and demographic factors. All of the following were associated with an increased risk of infidelity: having been part of a couple for a long time; having had a high number of prior sex partners; being male or black; living in a central city; and thinking about sex several times a day.

Respondents who reported that their relationships were “pretty happy” and “not too happy” were two and four times more likely, respectively, to have reported extramarital sex than respondents who reported that they were “very happy” with their relationships.

More than 80 percent of women and 65 percent to 85 percent of men report that they had no partners other than their spouse while they were married.

94 percent of married men and women had only one sex partner (their spouse) in the past 12 months, 4 percent had 2 to 4 partners, and 1 percent had more than 5 partners.

SOURCE: The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University.

If you suspect that your spouse falls into one of these statistics, contact us to see how we can help.

Handling Infidelity

Handling infidelity when you catch your girlfriend with someone else is rough, but the best thing is to simply keep quiet about the whole episode.

Refrain from screaming and abusing.

Break up with her and take control of your life or allow her to continue doing what she has been doing for a while, only if you think you can make her realise.

Try to speak to her and learn her true feelings. Is she is actually in love with someone else or they are just friends? You can give it another try in case you think you can forget and forgive.

If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it and be sure that your partner is ready too. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious cycle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate.

Try to understand what made your girlfriend cheat on you. Analyse if there was something wrong in your behaviour and the relationship between both of you, which led such a situation.

Refrain from spreading rumours and personal information about your ex-girlfriend , once you decide to part ways. It’s always a good idea to part on a pleasant note. Try not be bitter about your relationship and do not be mean.

Office Romances Keep on Blooming

Published: Saturday, May 5, 2007 | 2:24 PM ET
Canadian Press

NEW YORK (AP) – Whether it’s the flattering fluorescent lighting or the intimate privacy of the office cubicle, the workplace is fertile ground for those with a wandering eye.

More than one-third of people who admit to infidelity cheat on their spouses with co-workers, according to a study by MSNBC.com and iVillage.com. (Friends were philanderers’ first choice.)

The survey also suggests that the more money men make, the more likely they are to cheat, says Josey Miller, iVillage love and sex editor.

For women, income had no relationship to their propensity to be unfaithful, she said.

Opinions about what behaviours constitute cheating also differed between the sexes. Nearly three-quarters of women consider sending flirtatious e-mails to a co-worker cheating, compared with just over half of men.

Regardless of who’s right on that one, has all that sexual harassment training taught us nothing? Back away from the send button.

More than 70,000 respondents participated in the survey.

Adultery is the “Primary Reason for Divorce” According to Study

A survey has revealed that private investigators were hired during almost half the divorce proceedings in Britain last year, compared with only 18% in 2005.

The survey conducted by Grant Thornton of 100 leading law firms found 49% of divorces last year came after one partner had hired a private detective to look for evidence of adultery by the other. Investigators were hired by 30% of divorcing women and 19% of divorcing men.

The survey also found that 32% of divorces were attributed to adultery last year, compared with 29% in 2005. In more than two-thirds of these it was the man who was declared unfaithful and in 31% of cases it was the woman.

Andrea McLaren, head of Grant Thornton’s matrimonial practice in London, said: “For the fourth year running our survey has shown that extramarital affairs are the primary reason cited for the breakdown of marriages in the UK. As this figure continues to rise it is little wonder that the number of individuals using private investigators increased.”

Primary Reason for Divorce

Florida Sheriff’s Dept Employees Fired for Having Sex on Duty

By KATHLEEN CULLINAN contact

Originally published — 3:02 p.m., April 20, 2007
Updated — 7:21 p.m., April 20, 2007

Two Lee County sheriff’s deputies were fired separately this month amid allegations they had sex with women while they were on duty, authorities said.

In both cases, records show the deputies’ relationships were reported by a jilted lover — the wife of Deputy Michael Haigis brought cell phone records to the sheriff’s headquarters after finding a Valentine’s Day card in his duffel bag. And 17-year veteran Sgt. Edwin Cintron was subjected to an Internal Affairs investigation when a 7-Eleven clerk reported he’d left her for another clerk, according to sheriff’s reports.

Both men were ultimately fired. A sheriff’s dispatcher, Cristina Baughman, also was let go after authorities determined she and Haigis carried on their affair at work.

“There’s no place in law enforcement for that type of nonsense on duty,” Lee Sheriff Mike Scott said. “I was angry and embarrassed, and took very quick action to investigate it.”

None of the three ex-employees could be reached Friday. But both women accused of having sex with Cintron disputed the official version of facts.

“I think it’s a travesty, him losing his job,” Shelba Norton said. “This whole ordeal is a very sad situation.”

According to an internal affairs report, Norton was first to tell the Sheriff’s Office that Cintron had oral sex with her co-worker behind a Fort Myers 7-Eleven. A report says Norton said “she was upset with the deputy who was also a former boyfriend.”

She strongly denied Friday making that initial complaint.

Either way, authorities took the report and interviewed the other clerk, Lisa Anderson. She denied such an encounter took place while Cintron was on duty. Reached on her cell phone Friday afternoon, Anderson said she stands by the statements she gave investigators.

“I was with him — me being wrong and him being wrong,” she said, but “I cut off talking with him because I didn’t want to deal with this drama.”

Given his turn to talk with investigators, Cintron owned up to “almost having sexual intercourse with” Norton in her driveway, in full view of her neighbors, while he was on duty, according to the reports. He also said he’d had oral sex with Anderson behind the 7-Eleven, in his uniform.

But he said his shift was over when it happened.

Cintron was fired Thursday. Despite his comments, the report concluded there was “clear and convincing evidence that Sergeant Edwin Cintron had numerous sexual encounters with Shelba Norton and Lisa Anderson while on-duty.”

In the other case, records say Haigis and Baughman met up several times starting in November 2006, having oral sex at a park or on the side of the road.

Haigis’ wife discovered the card in March and printed out cell phone records to bring evidence of his extra-marital relationship to the Sheriff’s Office, reports say.

Improper conduct and neglect of duty charges against Haigis, who told investigators he was in his uniform and driving his patrol car, but off duty, during at least one of the encounters, were substantiated. Baughman was confronted with evidence she’d once left work to have oral sex with Haigis, whereupon she said she’d forgotten about it, the reports say.

Haigis was hired just over a year ago, authorities said. Baughman had been on staff about three years.

“Sex on duty, lying about it — that’ll get you a ticket out the door every time,” Scott said.

Signs of Husband’s Infidelity are Everywhere

By AMANDA PALLESCHI
Published April 20, 2007
tampabay.com

Deborah Joswig did a double take when she saw her name inside a gigantic heart on a billboard along a busy street.

“Deborah & Eric Joswig. Always & Forever,” the billboard read. “Ephesians 5:25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church.”

She begged her husband to turn around so she could get another look.

That billboard, put up in September on Ulmerton Road in Largo, was the first of six in the Tampa Bay area.

There was one for her birthday in December.

There was one on Tampa’s John F. Kennedy Boulevard, which Deborah first saw lit up at midnight, on Valentine’s Day.

Now, there’s one on State Road 60 in Brandon.

For Eric, the billboards are the ultimate public confession that he cheated on his wife for almost a decade.

They’re meant to show his ex-buddies that he still loves the woman he married nearly 27 years ago.

But as the number of billboard’s grew, Deborah rolled her eyes.

“I said, ‘No more, no more,’ ” she said. “He does one nice thing and then you say, ‘Is it something you can believe in, or is it just a game?’ ”

A secret life

Though his wife sometimes questions his sincerity, Eric Joswig insists he’ll spend the rest of his life showing that he loves her and that he’s sorry.

The six billboards cost him nearly $10,000, but years of infidelity nearly cost him his marriage.

While Deborah was busy being a mother and working full time, Eric was busy working in construction.

His lunch hours, he said, were spent having sex with women he’d met at traffic lights while riding his motorcycle or at bars.

By his count, there were seven to 10 partners in one five-year span. He said he stopped having affairs 10 years ago, but didn’t come clean until Deborah got suspicious.

“It was a secret that ate me up inside,” he said. “I wasn’t respecting my wife and my marriage.”

Their marriage had been rife with troubles even before he revealed the affairs.

For years, Eric was a different person in public than the fun, caring father he was at home, Deborah said.

“If we went to an event together, he’d tell me to go away. He’d put his arm around other women and tell dirty jokes,” she said. “It was like I wasn’t his wife.”

The two clashed over their construction business. At work and home, the most burdensome jobs were left to Deborah.

“He resented that I was just not the woman that he could tell to sit and behave,” she said.

Then, three years ago, Deborah heard Eric take a coworker’s call. “It’s just a business call,” he told his wife, but she thought otherwise.

Little by little, the truth began coming out, Deborah said.

Eric confessed to her a year ago that the woman on the phone that day hadn’t been the only one. They began seeing a marriage counselor and a therapist. Now, she combs through his past with questions in her mind.

Old day planners tell her when he took off work to see another woman. She looks at pictures of them smiling with their daughters and thinks, Was he really happy on that ski trip? Was he looking for something out there?

Starting over

In August, they closed the business and are now planning to move to their 400-acre ranch in Ocala. It will take the rest of his life to finally be a good husband, Eric said.

Leaving a successful construction business is a small gesture on the path to redemption.

“Nothing else matters in life except my marriage now,” he said. “If you can lie to your wife, how the hell could anybody else in the world trust you?”

For many years, Eric didn’t give friends and co-workers reason to trust him, either, he said.” A lot of people know the rotten side of me that my wife didn’t know,” Eric said.

That includes former colleagues who knew about – and condoned – his infidelity. The billboards, Eric said, were also aimed at them. “These are the people who need to know that I’m no longer who I was. I want them to know that my wife is not a fool and the only reason we’re still together is by her grace.”

The women he once slept with need to know it too, he said. That’s why there’s now a billboard in Brandon.

It’s miles from the Joswigs’ Seminole home, but near where some of the other women live.

He said he’ll continue to put up billboards for special occasions, persevering just as he did when he first noticed Deborah working at a Kmart back in high school near Pittsburgh.

“Please don’t think my wife has forgiven me. I devastated her,” he said. “But we are finding each other again.”

For Deborah, the billboards aren’t a quick cure-all. Repairing their marriage is an ongoing process, she said. She sees the billboards as a public-service announcement. “We are coming out and letting people know it’s okay to move on from something like this and fix it,” she said.

Eric, Deborah said, is now a different person than the man who hurt her so many times.

He has removed himself from the places and people that brought him down and worked on finding himself and his faith in God. “I’ve seen him change,” she said. “Why should I leave him now, now that he’s trying?”

Amanda Palleschi can be reached at 661-2456 or apalleschi@sptimes.com.