Men have a way of wanting to hurt others and yet if the same hurt and pain is inflicted on them, they are the first to cry foul.
Which takes me back to a time long back when I was still in the nerve-wrecking institution called marriage and my husband had this nerve of coming home in the early hours of the morning while I was stuck at home with the children.
Then one day I decided enough was enough and joined my girlfriends for a ladies only session at one girl’s house where we sat, talked, laughed and tried to put our marital woes behind.
Needless to say, time flew past and I got home around 22.30 to find the man of the house pacing up and down the corridor with a worried and annoyed look on his handsome face.
It was quite amazing because I had told him where I was going to be and considering the times he often came home, he should have been the last man to complain and rant and rave about the need to be considerate about a spouse’s needs. However, men will always be men the sooner women realise this the better.
I do understand the issue of women who know they are being hurt but just never have the guts to walk away.
While I do understand this fact about women, I do not always believe in it and many a time I have ended up alone and miserable after having dumped a man who was not treating me well.
There was a time I was in a beautiful relationship with a guy who was fine and whom I loved so wholeheartedly.
Things were so good between us such that my sixth sense was even convinced that we would end up as husband and wife.
Trouble started when he seemed to have no respect for me when it came to keeping appointments and dates as it seemed that whenever he met his boys for a drink, he would banish me to the back of his mind and show up as and when he was through with the stuff that boys do.
I ignored this behaviour the first two instances it happened and advised him to mend his ways or risk losing something I knew we both treasured.
He promised to change and I foolishly believed him just the way a woman who is totally in love does but the final straw was soon to come. He stood me up for an important date and rocked up at my place very late and for me that was enough.
I did not want him to stop hanging out with the boys, all I wanted was to be advised if he couldn’t make it so I could make my own plans but in this case, I realized the brother man was taking me for granted and expecting me just to hang in there and wait as if he was the last man on earth.
Yes I did love this man and still have images of a love that was so beautiful in all other ways except time keeping. However, fact is a man has got to respect his woman if the relationship is to survive.
It has been a while since I walked away and in my heart of hearts I know I did the right thing and I hope he learnt something from this painful break-up that we both had to endure.
At times we need to be hurt in order to make a point to men and while I know it may be too much for women who dread leaving the comfort of their homes, breaking up the children, being cold alone on a winter night, etc. the same women should consider the results of their decision to stay.
A woman I knew for many years and whom I loved so dearly had a husband who walked out on her to marry a woman whose wayward ways were known in the town where they all lived.
He was gone for five years which was ample time for him to contract the deadly HIV from this new wife of his and despite people’s warnings and pleas, he turned a deaf ear.
Then things went wrong and he decided to go back to his faithful wife who had battled it alone for five years looking after their only daughter.
I was quite young, just out of my teens when it became apparent that he wanted to come back and I pleaded with this woman not to take him back or at least be very cautrious if she wanted to reconcile with him.
My advice fell on deaf ears and four years from the time that he returned home, she passed away, having endured an agonizing and painful death which still brings tears to my eyes although almost ten years have gone by since she left.
That woman was, is and will always be someone I hold most dear and who I will always miss. She was, is and will always be my aunt, my mother’s youngest sister.
I can only hope that not too many women have to go through this, maybe that is why I am not ready to compromise much when it comes to wayward men and while I know it is man’s nature to cheat, it need not put others at risk, neither do men have to be careless as to leave evidence of their betrayal for all to see.
I suppose that what you don’t know or see wont hurt you but in this day and age, one can only hope not to get caught but in the end the result of the cheating will always come out as the disease catches up with the individual if not with all the people involved.
It is one of the reasons why women should always insist on protection unless one is sure that she is in a monogamous relationship and in this vein I am not even sure how the woman is supposed to know that the man is not playing games.
In conclusion, I hope that men will learn to treasure the women who truly love them and not subject them to painful deaths and emotional stress all because of an urge to enjoy themselves.
As for women, let us not be too understanding and accommodating in all instances lest men take us as their doormats and walk all over us as they please.
So come on women, move on, it will not be easy but try and save yourselves from future pain and the deadly disease. It is now or never.