General information about infielity that does not directly relate to private investigations but may be of value to our readers.

Drinking and Infidelity Dont Mix

Man threatens wife with crossbow, police say
Tuesday, October 25, 2005

MASSILLON OHIO- A 51-year-old man is accused of urinating on his wife and threatening to shoot her with a crossbow, police said.

George M. Wise of 318 Fourth St. NE faces two counts of felonious assault and domestic violence. He is free on bond, Municipal Court records show.

Police said Wise also struck his stepdaughter, who tried to wrestle away the crossbow and was cut on the forearm by an arrow.

Wise, believing his wife was having an affair, began to urinate on the 34-year-old woman as she slept in bed at about 7:30 a.m. Sunday, according to a police complaint filed in Municipal Court.

She woke up and yelled.

Wise went to retrieve the crossbow and returned to find his wife and stepdaughter, who had heard the shouting, in the bedroom, records show.

He loaded the weapon, according to police.

“He then pointed the crossbow at the victim (his wife) and she believed he was going to shoot her,” the arrest warrant shows.

The couple had been drinking, police said. He later told officers in jail he had “screwed up,” police said.

Cantonrep.com

Liar Liar

How to tell when you’re not exactly being told the straight story

By Cynthia Hubert
SACRAMENTO BEE

You think you can tell when he’s lying.

His eyes dart back and forth. He can’t keep his hands still. He stutters and stumbles over his words.

Deception is written all over him, right? Not necessarily.

Nailing a fibber is not nearly as easy or instinctive as most people think, say scientists, authors and other keen observers of the art of deception.

“There is no simple checklist,” says Gregory Hartley, a former military interrogator who applies the techniques he used on enemy combatants in a new book for civilians, “How To Spot a Liar.”

But with a little practice, Hartley insists, you, too, can become a human lie detector.

It is a skill that has challenged us through the ages, says Dallas Denery, a professor of medieval history at Bowdoin College in Maine who is working on a book about the history of lying. “The problem of lies and liars has been with us forever,” he says. “In the Judeo-Christian tradition, history really begins with a lie, with Adam and Eve and the serpent.”

Fast forward to modern times and a 2002 study suggesting that most people lie in everyday conversation. Researchers at the University of Massachusetts observed people talking for 10 minutes and found that 60 percent of them lied at least once, telling an average of two to three fibs. Some of the lies were benign, but others were extreme, including one person who falsely claimed to be a rock star.

“We didn’t expect lying to be such a common part of daily life,” one of the researchers, Robert Feldman, observed after the study was published.

Over the years, CIA agents, police detectives, psychologists, lawyers and others have tried a variety of methods to identify liars, from polygraph machines to “voice stress analysis” to analysis of barely perceptible facial movements that can give away hidden feelings. None of the techniques has been foolproof.

And the search for the truth continues. The science of liars and lying remains a hot topic in research circles, and book after book offers the latest theory about how to tell when a spouse is cheating, a witness is lying in court or a car salesman is overstating the value of a vehicle.

Check out just a few of the titles on the subject at www.amazon.com: “Lies and Liars: Pinocchio’s Nose and Less Obvious Clues,” “Liar! A Critique of Lies and the Act of Lying,” “When Your Lover Is a Liar,” and “The Concise Book of Lying.” It’s enough to shatter your trust in humanity.

John Mayoue, an Atlanta divorce lawyer who has represented famous clients – including Jane Fonda in her breakup with Ted Turner – says lying is rampant in his business.

“In the courtroom, there is no end to the lying, particularly if money is at stake,” Mayoue says. “The more money, the bigger the lies.”

The greatest lie in relationships, he says, is “Honey, I love you but I’m no longer in love with you. That’s someone’s way of saying they’re cheating on you.”

The Internet culture has made lying practically a sport, Mayoue observes. “You just have to assume that you’re in the midst of a liar’s ball when you’re online,” he says. “It’s a fantasy realm. I can’t see you. I can’t look at signals. I can’t test you. There is no verification.”

In court and in daily life, Mayoue believes, a person’s eyes tell the truest story.

“Looking at someone in an unwavering manner and answering the question is very telling,” he says. “When I see eyes shift side to side and up and down, it just causes suspicion.”

Hartley, the former interrogator, agrees that body language can hint at deception. But not always, he says. “Your eyes drift naturally when you’re searching for information,” he says. “I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t move their eyes when looking for details.”

The key to uncovering a lie, he says, is knowing how the liar behaves normally, when he or she is relaxed, and picking up on changes in voice patterns, eye movement and other body language.

“You’ve got to ask the right questions, then observe how that person responds,” Hartley says.

Signs of stress, which may signal that someone is lying, include flared nostrils and audible breathing, shaky hands and elbows moving closer to the ribs, according to Hartley.

“Stress does horrible things to our brains,” he says. “Stress hormones can virtually turn off your brain and make you become reactive.”

For the most notorious liars, the tendency to fib may be biological, suggests a study by researchers at the University of Southern California. Pathological liars, the scientists found, have structural differences in their brains that could affect their abilities to feel remorse and learn moral behavior and might give them an advantage in planning deceitful strategies, the researchers discovered. Other scientists have suggested that pathological liars owe their behavior to the psychiatric diagnosis known as narcissism, and may truly believe their own falsehoods.

But the average, everyday fibber lies to achieve a goal, says communication expert Laurie Puhn, author of the best-selling book “Instant Persuasion, How To Change Your Words To Change Your Life.” Most people lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, to avoid a commitment or a task, to cover up bad behavior or to elevate themselves professionally or personally, she says.

Puhn advises people who suspect someone is lying to ask unexpected questions, look for contradictions in their statements and ask a follow-up question a couple of days later about the suspected lie.

“If someone says they had to work late to deal with a new client and you are suspicious, ask them about it a week later,” she says. “They’re likely to answer, ‘What new client?’ It’s hard for liars to keep their lies straight.”

Bettyanne Bruin, who parlayed her experiences with a former partner into a book and a support group for people who have been deceived, says the first step toward detecting a liar is overcoming denial.

“People tend to ignore the red flags,” says Bruin, author of “Shattered: Six Steps From Betrayal to Recovery.” “Their gut tells them what is going on, but they really do want to believe the best about the person they love.”

The most critical sign that a partner is lying, she says, is defensiveness.

“Liars are very defensive when you question them,” says Bruin. “They will become very resistant and angrier and angrier upon each attempt to probe.” Often, she says, they make their partners feel guilty about questioning them. “They’ll say, ‘You’re being unreasonable,’ or ‘Why are you treating me this way?’ ”

Types of lies

Joseph Tecce, an associate professor of psychology at Boston College who has studied liars and lying, identifies six types of untruths, some more egregious than others.
He classifies them as:

The ‘protective’ lie, which can shield the liar from danger.

The ‘heroic’ lie, created to protect someone else from danger or punishment.

The ‘playful’ lie, such as an angler’s fib about the size of his fish.

The ‘ego’ lie, designed to shield someone from embarrassment.

The ‘gainful’ lie, which somehow enriches the fibber.

And the ‘malicious’ lie, told to deliberately hurt someone else.

Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Game

By Morgan Rudy/Relationship Columnist
The Daily Toreador

October 13, 2005

There is no way to know where your significant other is at all times of the day. This is where the element of trust comes in when it comes to your partner and your relationship. Cheating is something that at one point or another will come into your mind when you are in a monogamous relationship; them cheating on you or vise-versa.

Hopefully you will never cheat or be cheated on, but it happens. Infidelity, when one of the partners in a relationship is cheating, can be the death blow of a relationship. It is a sign that something is seriously wrong between partners.

Being Played

A change of behavior in your partner might be a good indicator that something is wrong and may be your first clue that your partner is cheating on you. A mate having an affair will display changes in his normal patterns of behavior. But it is better if you attempt direct observation of cheating rather than basing accusations on two or three unusual behaviors.

Additionally, suspecting your mate of having an affair may just be a result of your own issues and insecurities and less likely the result of your partner’s behavior. If you have a history of special emotional insecurities, such as a very low self-esteem, overly strong feelings of mistrust in men or women or issues with jealousy and insecurity. Before you jump to conclusions, stay objective and realize that people change over time and may naturally become less attentive and less interested about certain things.

If you do suspect that your significant other is cheating, there are a few signs that you can pick up on if you pay attention.

First of all, do they go out without you and don’t tell you where they went? If they used to tell you everything they did and then all of a sudden stop you might have reason to suspect them. It’s those unaccountable hours that leave one up to a little distrust. This might call for the need for a little prying to see if they are really cheating or if they just don’t want to talk to you anymore.

Another sign could be if they won’t answer their phone if you are around. Will they only answer certain calls and not others? When they get off the phone do they tell you who they were talking to or are they vague or get defensive at your question? If you want to get stalker-esque on them, you can look in their phone when they are not looking, but you better have a good excuse when they catch you.

One example I love is when you approach your partner about your suspicion of them cheating do they say, “Oh it’s your imagination.” This is what cheating people say when you get too close to the truth. From this point, they will probably go on to say that you are paranoid and you don’t trust them like they trust you. Wake up and smell the coffee people: you are being played.

Being the Player

Now if you are on the other side of this cheating scenario, make sure it is worth it. Is your one night of fun going to mess up something that is really special to you? And think, “Is this person that special to me that I am willing to cheat?”

As a past cheater, I can honestly say I wasn’t thinking when it happened. I wanted that person at that moment, and well, it just happened. I never got caught, I never told my ex about it, and I never will. In my situation, I thought it would hurt him so much if I told the truth that I never confessed my act of infidelity.

Now if you do decide to tell you partner, make sure you are ready for what could happen. They will probably be hurt, angry and possibly furious. There will be tears, and the relationship might end. Just be ready for anything. Who knows they could forgive you and you could both go on with your day.

Infidelity arguably is the most challenging blow any relationship can sustain. The news of an affair can shake a mate to his or her very core. The causes of infidelity are complex and varied. Affairs can occur in happy partnerships as well as in troubled ones. Although the involved person may not be getting enough from the relationship, sometimes the involved partner is not giving enough.

We all love a bit of attention. An exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious banter can brighten the day, raise self-esteem and strengthen social bonds.

Flirtation at this level is harmless fun. There is, however, a fine line between harmless flirting and disloyalty to your partner. If what you’re doing is fun and enjoyable but not emotionally charged, then you’re probably safe.

However, if you have strong feelings for that person, then you are in trouble. Your feelings are a clear indication of when something is important to you.

In a perfect world, there would never be infidelity, and there would be peace on earth, but alas – the world and the people in it are far from perfect. Cheating hurts whatever side of it you are on, so my advice would to steer clear of “playing” if you can.

Woman Made Up Rape to Hide Affair

Woman made up rape to hide affair
By BOB SHERRILL
Herald Staff Writer

The reported rape of an 18-year-old Sapulpa housewife was a hoax according to Sapulpa Police.

SPD Detective Sgt. Mike Reed said Friday afternoon that after a lengthy interview at police headquarters, the woman finally told detectives the assault never happened and she had made up the story.

“She has signed a statement that the event never occurred,” Reed said.

He said news of the sexual assault had created concern with a number of women and the department had received a number of phone calls.

The detective did not elaborate on how they came to suspect the assault was unfounded, but earlier detectives received an anonymous phone call that point their investigation in a new direction.

He said filing false report charges against the woman is being discussed.

News of the assault had created a nervous atmosphere in Sapulpa, he said.

There had been many calls from frightened residents and the department had put in a lot of man hours on the case, Reed said.

Reed said the woman said she became worried that her husband would learn she was having an affair with another man.

The woman claimed the assault occurred at her residence on North Elizabeth after a three year opened the door to the assailant.

The woman also told police the assailant was not armed but grabbed her and forced her to a bedroom.

She also told police earlier the assailant had first picked up the child and tossed it on to a couch before he grabbed her and forced her to a bedroom.

The woman was taken to Hillcrest Medical Center where evidence was gathered by a trained nurse at the rape center of the hospital, Reed said.

Bob Sherrill 224-5185 Ext. 201

crime@sapulpadailyherald.com

Infidelity can have serious consequences

by Ashley Henry

Does anyone find the following scenario familiar?

It’s a great party, you are having a girl’s or boy’s night out and the good times are flowing. Then out of nowhere you see this hottie who is making his/her way towards you. He or she starts a conversation or starts dancing a little suggestively with you. By now your brain is telling you that this is not right.

You have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but you just cannot seem to help yourself. Before you know what happens you have made a mistake that you cannot possibly take back. Although the situation might not be this simple, it is possible.

Cheating is a common problem in relationships, especially when you are young, hot and ready to have a good time. Being faithful to your significant other can be hard when there are so many people out there who can tempt you. No matter how you slice it though, cheating is wrong and it only looks bad for you. And more importantly, it hurts the person who is supposed to be closest to you.

If you have cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend, there are a few things you need to evaluate about your relationship. If you actually cheated on him/her – whether it was just a kiss or more – then there is obviously something wrong in your relationship. You need to take a step back and examine why you cheated.

Did you cheat in a moment of anger to get back at your partner? If so, then there is a good chance you still love him/her; you just made a bad decision in the heat of the moment. If you cheated because you are unhappy or unsatisfied in your relationship though, then you have to ask yourself if you are in your relationship for the right reasons. If your current romantic partner is not making you happy then end the relationship with him/her.

Cheating will not solve the problems in your relationship – it will just create new ones – and it will not make you happy because you will be hiding it from people. It is best to just end your relationship before pursuing new ones.

If you do cheat, which is obviously not recommended, do not make excuses for why you did it.

If you choose to tell your partner – and you should – that you cheated, you need to explain the situation in a calm and humble manner. Do not accuse him/her of spurring you to cheat with their behavior act; like an adult and take responsibility for your actions. No one held a gun to your head and forced you to kiss the other person.

You chose to cheat and now you have to accept the consequences of your actions. Allow your boyfriend/girlfriend plenty of time to soak up what you have told him/her. He/she will definitely be mad, hurt and confused as to why you choose to hurt him/her that way. All you can do is explain yourself and, if they do not automatically end the relationship, beg for his/her forgiveness.

If your partner does choose to give you a second chance in your relationship, that is your chance to prove to him/her that you can be trusted despite past indiscretions. You have shattered that trust once and now you must earn it back. Be open with your boyfriend/girlfriend, with your feelings about the relationship and with what is going on in your life.

Talking about things that are bothering you can nip problems in the bud before they have a chance to get out of control. Give your partner time. Be patient with them when they question you and your intentions for a while. If you truly are sorry for what you have done and don’t stray again, your partner will come to realize that maybe you can be trusted.

The best advice I can give is don’t cheat, but if you do, be mature enough to own up to the penalties that come along with it. Cheating does not have to mean the end of a relationship.

Couples can survive and work through the mistrust in their own time. Just think long and hard the next time you are tempted and weigh the pros and cons before making a decision that will be with you the rest of your life.

Commentary – Adultery Is Killing the American Family

By Nathan Tabor (09/22/05)

We hear a lot of talk these days about the need to protect and strengthen
the traditional American family. Certainly, it is true that the institution
of marriage is under attack from every side. But the real threat comes from
the multitudes of couples that fail to honor their marriage vows.

Adultery is one of the most terrible “facts of life” in contemporary
America. If you watch the daily soap operas on TV ­ many of which are just
soft-core pornography ­ you might get the impression that there are more
people cheating on their spouses than remaining faithful. And you might be
right.

How many people have affairs? That¹s hard to say because not everybody will
answer honestly. But sex therapist Peggy Vaughan, author of “The Monogamy
Myth,” conservatively estimates that about 60 percent of married men and 40
percent of married women will have an affair at some time during their
marriage. Maggie Scarf, author of ³Intimate Partners,² basically agrees.

Since these books were written more than a decade ago, and since more women
are leaving the home and entering the workforce, the number of wives having
affairs may also have reached the 60 percent range.

Americans have a schizophrenic attitude toward adultery. While 90 percent
admit that adultery is morally wrong, according to a Time-CNN poll, 50
percent say that President Bill Clinton¹s morals are “about the same as the
average married man.” While 35 percent think that adultery should be a
crime, 61 percent think it shouldn¹t.

Having an affair simply doesn¹t carry the social stigma that it once did.
According to “Playboy” magazine, 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men have
sexual thoughts about their coworkers, and about the same number follow
through on those libidinous impulses.

Why do husbands and wives cheat on their spouses? Psychologists cite
subjective issues like loss of love and feelings of alienation. Certainly
the media pressure of our sex-saturated society is a significant influence.
But a major factor is the easy availability of cheap and plentiful Internet
pornography.

Full Story

Get A Room

The Fort Worth Police Department is caught on tape with its captain down.

By PABLO LASTRA and JEFF PRINCE

At first glance, nothing seemed unusual on April 13 at Vandergriff Park in Arlington, just a typical weekday afternoon. Parents played with children, people walked dogs, squirrels looked for nuts, and a breeze blew through the trees. Oh, and some people were thinking about hot sex.

In a parking lot, a couple inside a black Crown Victoria kissed, unaware that their movements were being captured on video. The silent spectator was a Dallas private detective, who jotted notes about what the male and female “suspects” appeared to be doing and in what positions.

About 45 minutes later, a Hispanic woman stepped from the car wearing a white top and black miniskirt, and drove away in a Toyota Tercel. Her rendezvous partner, a tall black man, left in the Crown Victoria. The license plate number was easily tracked: It was a Fort Worth city vehicle driven by Fort Worth Police Capt. Duane Paul.

Private detective Danny Gomez, a former Dallas police officer, was videotaping the romantic encounter at the request of the woman’s husband, Rafael Gutierrez, who suspected she was having an affair. Gomez works for the tv show Cheaters, where philandering spouses are captured on camera and later confronted. It’s a tawdry show — and a popular one. Entering its fifth season this fall, the show regularly draws several million viewers in 200 U.S. markets and around the world. The episode with Paul is expected to air locally on Nov. 5.

Gomez had witnessed similar encounters between the couple in previous weeks. As his investigation unfolded, it became clear that Maria Gutierrez was having an affair, and the man she was seeing wasn’t an ordinary citizen — he was one of the few high-ranking African-American officials in Fort Worth Police Department history, an 18-year veteran who repeatedly has found himself in the middle of messy sexual troubles, from which he always seems to emerge unscathed. His horndog ways are much discussed among police troops, who question how he keeps climbing the career ladder despite rocky female relationships that spill over into the workplace.

Fort Worth Police Officer Malinda Spence accused Paul and another police officer of sexually harassing her in the late 1990s, resulting in a lawsuit against the city. The city — meaning taxpayers — paid dearly for that one: $200,000, according to court records.

The city, however, said paying the money wasn’t an admission of wrong-doing. The lawsuit appears to be Paul’s only alleged sexual indiscretion that has been documented in the public record, but other situations are much gossiped about among the ranks. Several police officers spoke off the record about other incidents, involving work-hour trysts, women who complained that Paul was harassing them, and a girlfriend who stormed into a police station and accused him of trying to seduce her daughter. The officers spoke sarcastically about Paul’s custom of speaking to new police academy recruits about ethics — including one such speech given just a few days prior to his being caught on tape by Cheaters.

The only result thus far of Paul’s actions, the officers complain, is that he has been transferred to a different unit or promoted. Some say Paul’s close relationships with former Police Chief Thomas Windham and current Chief Ralph Mendoza have meant that his transgressions have gone away quietly and his penalties have been minimal. Others say his indiscretions have hurt him and that he might have been a deputy chief by now.

Bottom line: “If Paul wasn’t protected,” one officer said, “he’d be fired already.”

An internal police investigation is under way into Gutierrez’ complaint that Paul used a city car, on what appears to have been city time, to carry out his romances, said police spokesman Lt. Dean Sullivan. However, a lack of documentation regarding Paul’s prior activities, combined with strict civil service rules governing treatment of police officers, could limit the severity of the punishment. On the other hand, a “lack of moral character” clause in those rules could give Mendoza the authority to take stronger action. And Paul’s fellow officers are beginning to wonder whether the Cheaters episode might be his much-watched Waterloo.

Paul joined the Fort Worth police in 1987 after a lackluster scholastic and professional career. He attended Louisiana State University from 1984 to 1986 but earned miserable marks — including, perhaps prophetically, an F in a Marriage and Family Relations class. He dropped out after a half-dozen semesters, with a cumulative grade point average of 1.4, according to college transcripts in his police personnel file.

He went to work as a security guard but was fired for leaving his post without a supervisor’s permission. But then he joined the police department and seemed to have found his niche.

His commendation-packed personnel file shows a record of stellar accomplishments. His work evaluations are practically spotless, and Paul ascended through the ranks from officer to detective to sergeant to lieutenant and finally to captain with glowing praise. There’s only one note of admonishment in Paul’s public file from 1995, but details were unavailable.

After becoming a lieutenant in 2000, Paul served as department spokesman. His name was seen many times in the credits for the tv show Cops, which thanked him for his assistance during segments produced in Fort Worth.

Paul’s personnel file — or at least the portion released to Fort Worth Weekly — does not reveal his rumored sexual liaisons while on duty or the squabbles with girlfriends that flowed over into the workplace, but co-workers remember them well. They recall that a dentist who had been seeing Paul came in to complain to Internal Affairs that he was harassing her while on duty and in his city-issued car. Several police officers described “domestics” that occurred inside police substations, such as when a girlfriend arrived yelling and cursing, accusing Paul of making a pass at her 19-year-old daughter. “The mom raked his ass over the coals,” said an officer who worked with Paul at the time.

Paul was married in 1987, the same year he joined the department, but divorced five years later.

In 2000, Officer Malinda Spence, a nine-year police veteran, sued the city for sexual harassment. Spence stated in an affidavit that, having worked in the vice unit for three years, she was “far from hypersensitive to sexual commentary and actions.” She alleged that in 1997, her supervisor, then-Sgt. Duane Paul, repeatedly asked her if she wanted to “go for drinks in Dallas” after work. Paul even contacted her on the police radio while she was on patrol and asked to meet her when “most of the time there was no work-related reason for the meetings,” she said. The affidavit also mentioned that Paul spent an unusual amount of time on location at her calls. Spence testified she was uncomfortable with the situation and told Paul that there couldn’t be a romantic relationship between the two because she was married.

After that, Spence said Paul “began to hyper-scrutinize her work,” writing her up for “milking a call” when she responded to a traffic accident and waited for investigators to arrive. Another time, Paul disciplined Spence for leaving work five minutes early after finishing her lunch break, which coincided with the end of her shift. Spence told a supervisor that she had “no doubt that she was being treated this way because she shunned his affections.” After filing a sexual harassment complaint against Paul, Spence was transferred to a different unit. Still, Paul continued to retaliate, she said. On one occasion when Paul’s unit was under a heavy call load, she responded to a call in his district. Paul stated over the police radio that Spence was “not allowed in his district under any circumstances.” She testified that she was “humiliated” by that response.

Another officer was also named in the lawsuit. Spence accused Officer R.R. Nichols of kissing her without her consent after an arrest. Spence had borrowed Nichols’ handcuffs. Once they had booked the suspect, Spence said, Nichols approached her from behind and kissed her, saying that he was “charging her for the handcuffs.”

Spence, whose husband also worked in the department, complained to supervisors about Nichols and Paul. The complaints were dismissed. Instead, she came under investigation by Internal Affairs for allegedly filing false complaints of sexual harassment on Paul and Nichols, and the Internal Affairs officials recommended that she be indefinitely suspended — fired, for all practical purposes. A deputy chief reviewed the report but decided to suspend Spence for five days without pay. “The preponderance of the evidence … indicates that Spence was wrong in at least part of her allegation,” Spence’s captain wrote in his recommendation to the deputy chief. “Being wrong is not always the same as being untruthful.”

Still, Spence said in her affidavit that it became obvious to her that her reputation in the department now preceded her: She said a male officer called her a bitch, and other officers failed to come to her assistance on potentially dangerous calls, including a gang fight, because they thought she was a troublemaker.

The department and the city contended that Spence had been disciplined for good cause and that her allegations were unfounded. Yet the city settled the case in October 2002 without taking it to trial. The city declined to release performance evaluations of Paul from 2001, when the lawsuit was in court, but no reason for this was given. There is no record of any disciplinary action against Paul in the time frame of Spence’s accusations. Spence left the department three months after settling her lawsuit and has been an officer in Colleyville since April 2004.

Since then, other officers said, various other complaints against Paul regarding his involvement with women while on duty have been investigated by IA, but none led to any punishment that showed up in his record.

After he came under investigation in connection with the Cheaters controversy, Paul was transferred from his East Side command and into Criminal Investigations — a desk job. “Paul wasn’t happy about it because it took away his freedom,” one officer said. “The chief had to do something that looked like he was getting to the bottom of things. It’s not uncommon for him to hand down discipline that’s not really discipline.”

Paul later took an extended medical leave but has since returned to duty. He had previously declined to talk to the news media about the Cheaters footage when articles first appeared. When contacted by the Weekly on Tuesday, Paul asked what the story would cover. Told that it would include his career, the internal investigation, Spence’s lawsuit, and allegations by other officers about his domestic troubles spilling over into police stations, Paul declined comment.

Chief Mendoza did not return calls from the Weekly seeking comment. Police Lt. Dean Sullivan said an internal administrative investigation into Paul is continuing. “After the pertinent facts, details, and witnesses are interviewed, the case will be assembled and presented for a chain of command review,” he said. “The chief of police will receive the case and make a decision based on those facts. Any other elaboration or release of information on this matter would be inappropriate until the case disposition and chief’s recommendation are presented to the city of Fort Worth Civil Service Commission.”

Paul’s co-workers are unwilling to discuss the situation on the record. As a division captain, Paul is among a handful of top administrators, and few subordinates want to cross him, especially since he has long been viewed as the Teflon man — nothing ever sticks to him. But many were willing to speak off the record.

“He probably would have been the next deputy chief,” a police officer said. “But with this one, there is no way. The city council is yelling for his head. That puts Mendoza in a bad light.”

A parade of unfaithful spouses caught in the act and then confronted while cameras roll makes Cheaters, locally produced and shot, similar to The Jerry Springer Show but without the “and so we learned” moment at the end — unless the lesson is that cheating is bad. It’s the kind of show where the host gets stabbed in the stomach by an angry cheater and the cameras follow the bloody confrontation all the way to the ambulance as the credits roll. Creator and executive producer Bobby Goldstein has a habit of talking about his show in grand terms, going so far as to compare it to art. And who would know art better than a guy who hangs a portrait of himself in the lobby of the Cheaters office, appearing as the image of a Vegas-era Elvis, complete with pompadour and muttonchops?

But Danny Gomez takes his job seriously. As detective for the show, it’s his duty to trail suspected cheaters and videotape their trysts. As jobs go, it can be tedious. Much of the time it involves following people doing everyday stuff. But the job intensifies tenfold when a couple is caught in flagrante.

Gutierrez approached Gomez in March, after he and his wife had argued and she left the house, taking their son with her and later filing an assault charge against her husband. The argument had started when Gutierrez accused her of having a lover — and now he wanted Gomez to find out if he was right. Gomez, who works independently in addition to working for Cheaters, reassured the jealous husband that he would find out if something was going on behind his back. Gutierrez paid Gomez $2,000 on March 29.

It didn’t take the detective long to gather evidence. The day after being hired, Gomez followed Maria Gutierrez to a central Arlington park. The detective videotaped her getting into the parked black Crown Victoria with an “unknown black male.” Gomez’ report began, “Detective can observe some physical movement and contact in the vehicle.” Thirty minutes later, the report says, “Detective Gomez can only see one head at this time.”

The video shows Paul lying back on the seat. For most of the video, Maria Gutierrez is not visible. After an hour and a half, Maria emerged from the vehicle.

“There was kissing and hugging,” Gomez said. Beyond that, it was hard to tell exactly what went on.

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Gay Affair is Not Adultery!

A Vancouver woman went to court on Tuesday to fight for a divorce after her husband had a gay affair that is not recognized by Canada’s justice system as adultery, nor as grounds for a speedy split, officials said.

Shelley Pickering, 44, had been married nearly 17 years when she found out last year that her husband was having an affair with a younger man. The couple split and she filed for an immediate divorce, said a justice department spokesman.

Canada requires couples to separate for one year before they are granted a no-fault divorce, unless adultery or cruelty is involved.

Her spouse admitted to the fling in an affidavit, but a provincial Supreme Court judge refused to grant them an immediate divorce because Canada’s common law definition of adultery does not include homosexual relationships. This, despite the legalization of gay marriages by Canada’s parliament last month.

The current Canadian definition of adultery — sex between a man and a woman not married to each other that includes penetration and when either is married to someone else — dates back to English church-based courts.

Pickering appeared in court with her lawyer on Tuesday to argue that the definition of adultery should be broadened to include same-sex affairs.

The Canadian government is backing her petition “to ensure that the divorce act is interpreted in a manner that is consistent with the recent changes to our marriage laws,” justice department spokesman Christian Girouard said.

“It’s a logical step to having a civil marriage act,” he said.

Prime Minister Paul Martin’s minority Liberal government passed the contentious legislation after the Supreme Court of Canada ruled in December that proposed changes to the marriage laws from “a man and a woman” to “two people” would not contravene the country’s constitution.

Cybersex – is it cheating?

Hello Goldilocks,
Thought of you all of last night. Hope you were thinking of me.
Love u lots – yesterday was great. Tons of love
Magic boyl

If this note fell out of your wife’s jacket pocket, how would you feel? And if you found it in her e-mail Inbox?

What is infidelity?

Twenty years ago people were sure about what constituted infidelity. A husband seen in a restaurant with his secretary, pink lipstick on his collar, strange silent phone calls, unexplained absences.

Now, with the advent of the Internet age, you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your home for your dalliances. Neither does your partner or spouse. But does the romantic message in the Inbox wreak the same kind of havoc as the lipstick on the collar?

Is an Internet affair like the real thing?
Judging by the number of letters from jealous and desperate, neglected partners to agony columns in magazines and on the Internet, the answer to this is a resounding Yes.

What is it that makes partners jealous and frustrated? “Three things”, says Cape Town psychologist, Ilse Pauw. “Firstly, feeling neglected and overlooked by your partner; secondly, having your partner share intimate details with an outside person and thirdly, watching your partner’s focus switching from your relationship to one with some idealised online character.”

The argument that people use who are involved in online dalliances, whether explicitly sexual or not, is that they are not real and that they are not really important to them.

Yet, they tend to react fairly strongly when their real-life partners demand an end to their cyber affairs. The point is not how the person involved views or rationalises their situation, but how the person feels whose life is affected negatively by this.

The end results are the same
And whether your wife is salivating online or is out with an old boyfriend, your situation is very similar. You are lonely, you feel your emotional and sexual needs are unmet and you are landed with the bulk of household chores and babysitting duties.

The attraction of online relationships is that they remove the difficulties people have with face-to-face communication and also allow people to recreate themselves in a world of fantasy.

Shy people can become bold and forthright; fat, bald and unattractive 50-year-olds can become gym instructors with washboard stomachs and dowdy housewives can be transformed into sex kittens at the click of a button.

Sexual hang-ups can be overcome as cybersex is a lot less threatening and intimate than the real thing. You also have the option to go offline at any time you want to, which is not a possibility in real life.

It’s ironic that we had to build million dollar machines to do something as natural as sex says futurist Howard Rheingold. He also predicts the use of teledildonics – full body sensory suits which allows lovers to meet in cyberspace and make virtual long distance love.

So why are they called ‘virtual’ affairs then?
The word ‘virtual’, though, still implies something which is not real even though it resembles the real thing. But if a spouse leaves a 10-year marriage and children for the ‘perfect’ online partner, chances are that the union was about to topple anyway, says Ann Landers, probably the world’s most famous agony aunt.

And generally ‘perfect’ online partners turn out to be everything but in real life. They also suffer from bad moods, have halitosis and insufferable family members, debt and sick children.

What to do if your partner’s online affair is driving you crazy:

* Remember that it is your partner’s behaviour, not yours, causing the problem.
* Stress how your partner’s behaviour is making you feel. Concentrate on your feelings
* Constant nagging and recriminations will just serve the purpose of making the online partner appear more attractive
* Don’t try and get even by getting yourself an online partner – it will only give your partner more reason to continue with hers
* Don’t let your partner minimise your feelings of anger and jealousy by insisting that you are overreacting
* Insist that you share the same e-mail address, as this will limit the lascivious nature of his or her e-mails
* If all else fails, you can always get online yourself and chat with ‘magic boy’ yourself. It is possible that she does not even know that you exist. A few hard facts about ‘Goldilocks’ might serve to dampen his fervour.

If your partner is completely unable to comprehend your point of view, it might be time to hit the road and find someone who will have a real relationship with you.

– (Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Texas l DJs expose infidelity over the air

WESLACO TX — A Valley radio station is doing its part to ID cheating husbands, even taking it to the airwaves.

WESLACO — Suspicious women are now using a local radio station to catch their cheating husbands.

DJs at Wild 104 came up with a way to catch cheaters. It’s called War of the Roses, and its become wildly popular among Valley listeners.

It all starts with an innocent phone call:

“Good morning! This is John Flores from red roses.com. I’m just calling to tell you you’ve just won a free dozen roses!”

The suspected cheater then gets a chance to choose who he wants to send the roses to, as his jilted lover stands by and listens.

In this case, Robert opts to send flowers to someone named Lisa, and his wife, Lori, is not amused.

“Robert, who in the (expletive) is Lisa?”

Sputtering, Robert claims she is just a friend…

The drama plays out over Valley airwaves every morning, and so far, only one husband has chosen to send the roses to his wife.

DJs say they have a long waiting list of women who want to test their men. It makes for good ratings, but not everyone is thrilled with the rose hoax.

“I’ve gotten a few threats, in fact a couple of the calls, the guys say they know where the station is,” said Wild 104 personality Johnny O. “They know where I work at and ‘just wait ’til I see you,’ you know. ‘you’ve ruined this marriage’ and I’m like, wait a minute, its not me.”

Johnny says the station has recruited more security, but so far there are no plans to yank War of the Roses.

DJs call it a service…real people airing out their dirty laundry on air.

“All of them have been legit,’ Johnny O said. ” We don’t want to stage anything or do anything that’s fake.”

Johnny added they are planning a sequel to War of the Roses: a field trip with all the wives, for a ladies night out on the town.