Could Having an Extra-marital Affair Save Your Marriage?

COULD having an affair save your marriage? Michelle, a 38-year-old married legal secretary, thinks so. She met her lover from Bolton through an online extra-marital dating service, and talks frankly to Irma Heger about her double-life. We also ask marriage guidance experts what they think.

“I’VE been married for 10 years and have no children — I’m as happily married as one can be without a sex life, I guess. We haven’t had a regular sex life for about two years now. It was last year when things got too much.

“My husband was working very late and doesn’t pay a lot of attention to me. I work as a legal secretary, and therefore our hours should be similar, but he throws himself into his work like nobody else. Around that time he was coming home at nine every night and would just roll into bed on his return.

“I was on my own a lot and it all just came to a head. I had seen an article in a women’s magazine and decided to join a dating website that specialises in marital dating, Illicit Encounters, because I knew I didn’t want to lie any more than I had to.

“It was a slow process. I joined and then I filled out my profile and after a few weeks I was chatting to people. There is a lot of chat on the site. Everyone is very honest . . . if you’re not interested, you have to say so.

“I was apprehensive until I found that there were so many people in my situation. Then I started to feel comforted by the site. I still do.

“After about a month I got a message from James. He is different to my husband. He has more of a sense of adventure and is less intellectual — in a positive way.

“I had spoken to a lot of guys but it was just friendly chat — nothing progressive. When I started talking to James, I knew I wanted to meet up with him straight away. We just clicked.

“Things just went from there. I knew when I met him that something was going to happen. We went into the city and had a drink downstairs in a fancy hotel. It was fantastic. It had been such a long time since I had been on a date — the preamble was enough! Sparks were flying — though nothing significant happened until our third or fourth date, I can’t remember exactly when.

“James is in a very similar situation, you see. He has a wife who loves him but they haven’t had sex for over a year. I know he has addressed it with her, and suggested that they go to counselling, but she doesn’t want to know.

“My husband and I have talked about counselling, but my husband thinks it is for people who don’t have real problems. He doesn’t regard marital stress with much importance.

“James and I have been seeing each other on and off since then. We meet almost every week, and we email and text between meetings.

“We aren’t ‘in love’ per se. Our relationship is mutually beneficial. He fills me with passion and lust, but that’s it.

“I have already met my soul mate. We are just ‘friends with benefits’. He gives me what I need to be happy and to make my marriage work.

“I miss James when he is away from me, but he is not my husband and I would never leave my husband for him. Our regular meet-ups act as a bolster for my marriage, which I put the majority of my energy in.

“I have a separate SIM card to keep everything away from hubby. It can be difficult to keep things secret but I have enough excuses to roll out now. None of my friends know, although I have online buddies, and my husband and I have quite separate lives and he doesn’t feel the need to ask a lot of questions .

“I do genuinely believe that, were it not for Illicit Encounters, I would have left my husband by now. This way, I can keep things together. I don’t want to throw it all away for the sake of a fling.

“Hopefully James and I will keep things going steadily as they are for as long as we can. Although, should the relationship start to become a burden, it would be curtains. We both know that.

“The other thing I must say is, I think people are more shocked when it’s a woman having an affair. For men it’s easier, for women, we’re always seen as hussies. But I am doing this to keep my marriage together.

“My husband has definitely noticed a difference. I am less stressed now, much more comfortable with the lack of sex, and able to deal with the everyday issues like bills and the mortgage without getting unnecessarily het up — he just doesn’t know why!

“If my husband decided to cheat, I would understand.

“I think if he found out, he would be shocked, but hopefully he would also acknowledge that there were a lot of warning signs he openly ignored. He has openly refused to work on the relationship, so hopefully he could at least see where I was coming from, even if he did not fully understand.”

Rosie Freeman-Jones, from Illicit Encounters, said: “Michelle’s situation is a very common one. She feels she has tried to articulate her problems to her husband, and they have remained unsolved.

“In finding a like-minded lover, she has been able to diffuse her frustrations, and is therefore better equipped to manage her current relationship. As a result, she is much calmer and happier than before.

“Although having an affair may not be the antidote to every unhappy marriage, it is hard to ignore the fact that this woman’s situation has greatly improved since she decide to pursue an extra-marital relationship.”

Catherine Ivatts, sexual therapist and Relate councillor, said: “This is one person’s experience.

“In an affair, there are three people — from the point of view of the person having the affair, it’s working.

“But an affair only works for as long as the other partner doesn’t find out, or the lover doesn’t change the terms and conditions. Usually, after a period of time, something shifts.

“Either the partner who’s not having the affair becomes concerned and suspicious, or the lover’s partner becomes suspicious, or the lover wants to change things and perhaps talks about marriage, or the person having the affair beings the question: ‘Is this what I want?’ “You do get long term affairs that go on for years and years, but usually, in the end, something comes apart.

“Each person will go through different stages in that process. It starts off being desirable, exciting and pleasurable.

“It all works up to a point — it’s like a three-legged stool, if one leg is taken away, it falls down.

“From a therapist’s point of view, we would recommend to have open communication between two partners.

“I haven’t heard of this particular website, but relationships that have started up on the internet, and internet pornography, are a huge part of our work now.

“The internet facilitates a sort of intimacy, but it’s not a long term intimacy — a lot of it is imaginary, you just see an aspect of a person.

“With an affair, you see a bit of a person — the challenge of marriage is you have to love a person, warts and all.”

* Michelle and James’ names have been changed.

Top 5 Infidelity Trends

There are a number of emerging infidelity trends that will wreak havoc on marriages in the months to come. Listed below are the five infidelity trends most likely to affect you, and some precautionary measures you can take.

1. WOMEN ARE GAINING IN NUMBERS: Female infidelity has increased 50 percent and is rapidly approaching the rate of male infidelity.

What to Do: Since most female infidelity is preventable, keep your finger on the pulse of your relationship. If your wife or girlfriend expresses dissatisfaction with you or your relationship, don’t treat it lightly.

2. INTERNET AFFAIRS ARE A BIG PROBLEM: Internet-assisted infidelity is now responsible for a third of all divorces.

What to Do: Cyber infidelity, online infidelity, internet infidelity, cyber cheating — whatever term you use — poses a serious threat to any marriage or relationship. Be aware of what your spouse or significant other is doing online when you think they are innocently surfing the net.



3. EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS BLOSSOM INTO SEXUAL ONES: Because many people underestimate the danger of emotional infidelity and cyber affairs, many of these affairs are being ignored, thus enabling them to evolve into sexual infidelity.

What to Do: Don’t underestimate the danger of non-sexual (cyber or emotional) forms infidelity. If you suspect that it’s going on, take positive action before it’s too late.

4. WORKPTop 5 Infidelity TrendsLACE INFIDELITY ON THE RISE: Workplace infidelity stemming from work spouse relationships will destroy numerous marriages/relationships.



What to Do: Take precautions to keep work spouse relationships from turning into workplace affairs. You and your mate should keep each other in the loop, and avoid becoming emotionally dependent on your work husband or work wife.


5. AFFAIRS GO UNDETECTED: Because many people mistakenly assume they know how to spot the signs of infidelity, numerous affairs will go undetected until it’s too late to do anything about them.

Source Ruth Houston


What is Emotional Infidelity?

Emotional InfidelityIn circumstances of emotional infidelity, there needn’t have been any kind of physical intimacy between your partner and the third party. Instead, your partner reaches out to this third party for emotional support, comfort, and in the worse case scenario, falls in love with this third party.

Your partner spends a lot of time with this other party and in return this other party reciprocates, relishing the attention and feelings they have been given by your partner.

Workplace Infidelity is Grounds for Termination

Infidelity in the WorkplaceFYI:     Infidelity is not only a cardinal sin in marriage; employers also are entitled to undivided loyalty from employees. When staff put their own interests ahead of obligations to their employers, they are guilty of conflict of interest and infidelity. As in marriage, such infidelity is grounds for dissolution of the relationship.

Popular Oz tourism destinations ‘hotbeds for infidelity’!

Hotbeds for infideity

MELBOURNE – A new study has found that popular Aussie tourism destinations are fast becoming hotbeds for infidelity.

According to the Cairns Post, locales where tourism is the predominant industry could harbour major problems for married couples, particularly when faced with an influx of randy holidaymakers.

University of Otago researcher Dr Linda Malam, whose original study was based on surveys of women in southern Thailand, said popular tourism destinations such as Cairns has come to be regarded as “sexually transgressive” zones, with holiday trysts an integral part of backpacking experiences.

In the case of both local men and women straying from their partners, there was a higher potential these sexual indiscretions could be hidden away from the prying eyes of friends and family members.

“They’re obviously out of the surveillance zone of their friends and family,” quoted Dr Malam as saying.

“The implications of their sexual liaisons and trysts are minimal as long as they practice safe sex. Many people see their backpacking experience as a real hiatus from ordinary life,” she said.

Dr Malam said the temptation to stray from a partner appeared to be far greater for those who worked in the diving industry.

“For men who work in the diving industry, I really think there is a high potentiality for problems there,” she said.

“Working in the tourism industry, you’ve got a high potentiality to meet people who are sexually available and looking for new sexual experiences and you’re working in occupations that have high desirability in that sexual economy,” she added.

Dr Malam’s research was presented at the Institute of Australian Geographers Conference, held at James Cook University in Cairns this week. (ANI)



Roots of Infidelity in Some

Where to the roots of infidelity start? Roots of InfidelityWe read a very interesting piece about infidelity in USA Today, written by Sharon Jayson that is worth a read for anyone trying to better understand why infidelity occurs. Here is a great quote from that piece:

“Ambition and narcissism are occupational hazards for all political leaders,” says Stanley Renshon, a political psychologist at City University of New York and author of books dealing with psychological issues and political behavior. “Infidelity is a byproduct of narcissism.”

Read More


If you think there is infidelity happening in your relationship, contact us today to see how we can help!

Idiot Elected Offical in CA Brags about Affair with Married Lobbyist on Live Microphone Before Hearing

As reported on Zimbio

The news coming out of Orange County today about a steamy affair between Heidi DeJong Barsuglia and Assemblyman Michael Duvall will probably wreck both of their careers, but it’s not all bad. There’s a bit of education to be gained from all of this, such as the lesson that any would-be politicians should be careful about bragging about extramarital sexual exploits into a live microphone.

Heidi Barsuglia is probably not a fan of live microphones. ( As broken by the OC Weekly, in July of this year, Michael D. Duvall, Orange County’s 72nd Assembly District representative, sat in a public hearing and graphically described the lobbyist, Heidi Barsuglia, he was having an affair with. Midway through his his verbal Penthouse letter, the microphone in front of him went live, and the Orange County Cassanova’s tale went live to the entire dias.

Unaware, Duvall continued to tell his colleague, “She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday–a lot! And so she’ll, she’s all, ‘I am going up and down the stairs, and you’re dripping out of me!’ So messy!”

Virginia Man Wore a Sign Admitting His Infidelity in Public

A Virginia man wore a sign admitting his infidelity in public at the request of his wife, it has emerged.

The man from Centreville spent Wednesday morning at the busy Tysons Corner crossroad wearing a large placard emblazoned with the words, ‘I cheated. This is my punishment’.

The idea was suggested by his wife found after she found evidence of his infidelity on his mobile phone.

He told a local Fox affiliate: “I thought she was kidding, but she was serious. I figured I got to do what I got to do to makes things right. So here I am.”

After two hours, the unnamed woman reportedly telephoned him to tell him that his punishment was complete.

Source Obtained:

admitting his infidelity

If you suspect infidelity, contact us today to see how we can help you!

“Faking Your Own Kidnapping While Cheating” Is The New Infidelity

Apparently unaware of the many ways this could backfire terribly, Wikler Moran-Mora, pastor of the Seventh Day Adventist Church of Reform in Tampa, FL, faked his own kidnapping so he could two-time his wife. According to police, Moran-Mora texted his wife last Tuesday evening to say he had been kidnapped, but that she should not worry because he was working to get released. But when police tracked down Moran-Mora’s location via his cell phone, they discovered “negotiating with kidnappers” actually meant “boning another woman.” The pastor has been charged with filing a false police report—and coming up with a really bad alibi.

But Moran-Mora actually isn’t the first genius who got caught being a liar, liar, pants on fire. A trip down memory lane, after the jump:

  • A Guatemalan woman faked her own kidnapping so she could stay in Spain with her lover. She texted her husband back home in Guatemala to say she’d been kidnapped and sexually assaulted. Her husband called the Embassy of Spain in Guatemala and they arranged for Spanish police to look for her. Police discovered the woman in Barcelona with no injuries at all. She admitted the whole “kidnapped and raped” story was made up.
  • Who could forget Mark Sanford, the married South Carolina governor whose affair with an Argentine woman dominated headlines? Although Sanford didn’t lie and say he had been kidnapped, he did lie and say he’d been hiking on the Appalachian Trail when he was actually south of the border with his mistress. The alibi might have worked if only someone had not recognized him at an airport. But maybe if Sanford hadn’t been found out, he would have cried kidnapping, too.


Thankfully, we at ASG Investigations can help get you the proof you need. Contact us today if you suspect your spouse in being unfaithful.


Jailed Ponzi King Bernie Madoff Also Infidelity King

Infidelity King

Ponzi King and Infidelity King?


Jailed Ponzi King Bernie Madoff had flings with numerous secretaries that frequently ended with hush-hush settlements, according to Jerry Oppenheimer’s new book, “Madoff With the Money.”The New York Post quotes a female veteran Madoff employee telling Oppenheimer that “He had affairs in the office. There were two women I know of. They were gorgeous. They were blond. They were young. They were like baby Ruths — the same type as Ruth, with the same hair color and eye color.”

Another Madoff insider said, “Ruth (his wife) told him to stop [playing around], but he started having affairs all over the place,” adding that Madoff would often give his girls cards with his private cellphone number on them.

One young secretary even netted a 250,000 dollar payoff to keep quiet, according to Oppenheimer.


Think you have the next Bernie Madoff on your hands? We can help! Give us a call today to discuss your options.