Spotting a Cheater

Spotting a CheaterLong ago, in the land of happiness and bliss you were both so in love that you both seemed inseparable. All seemed well in paradise, but after a few years, you have come to realise that things are not like they used to be.

You begin to argue a lot, sometimes your partner does not come home or when he/she does, they go back out and only to return in the wee hours of the morning. Maybe you need to sit and analyse the situation carefully. It may just be that your partner is changing or is under a great level of stress, or maybe he/she is just plain cheating. But how are you to tell for sure? Before any confrontations or jumping to any conclusions, get to the bottom of the problem. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does he/she call you less often?

2. Does he/she make excuses to not see you when you used to be inseparable?

3. Is he/she not where you are told he/she will be?

4. When you call, is he/she not at home?

5. Has he/she become very distant or more affectionate than normal on the rare occasions that you are together?

6. Have other people noticed the strange behaviour?

7. Have other people seen him/her with somebody else?

8. Does he/she seem distracted when he/she is with you?

How to prevent cheating

If you answered ‘yes’ to four or more of the above questions, there is a good chance that your he/she may be cheating. Dr. Sidney McGill, sex therapist, give some tips on how to prevent cheating.

1. Be a helper and encourager: Understand that you might have strengths that your spouse might not have. Complement your spouse wherever he/she has a deficiency. Rather than judging, encourage he/she to become a better person.

2. Keep romance alive: It is often implied that it is the male’s duty to act romantic or initiate intimacy. However, women need to understand it is a joint responsibility.

3. You need to be creative, adventurous and have sex regularly to keep the bond alive.

4. Be forgiving: Try not to keep a list of faults or mistakes.

5. Show unconditional respect: Despite what he/she has done, be respectful.

6. Be a good listener: Participate in intimate discussion with your spouse and be compassionate to each other’s feeling.

7. Try to change unhealthy attitudes: Instead of being ungrateful, be thankful. Focus on the good things rather than the bad.

8. Instead of being controlling, be flexible: Let people make and learn from their own mistakes.

9. Let the difficulties you face in the relationship act as character builders.

10. Accept and work with each other’s differences – don’t expect him/her to be like you.

How to deal with it

If it so happens that your spouse is cheating on you, there are some tips from Dr. McGill on how to deal with such a situation.

1. Recognise and identify what you are going through, for example, feeling hurt, disappointment or anger. Try to stabilise yourself, never confront your spouse in the heat of the moment because that will only compound the situation.

2. Consider why he/she cheated and get a third person to intervene with possible questions that need to be answered.

3. If you discover that he/she has a lifelong cheating problem, then it can only make the situation more difficult. But if it is a case where the offender is willing to change, then you need to seek professional assistance.

4. Try not to tell the whole world because it will only increase your sense of embarrassment. First, speak with a pastor or therapist before seeking therapy for both parties.

5. Take necessary precautions: Get tested for HIV/AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases.

6. After the grieving process, take steps towards healing and regain control of your life.

If you or anyone you know is a victim of cheating, sex addiction or any other sexual related condition you can consult Dr. McGill at 972-1805 or e-mail: fccjam@yahoo.com.

Top Ten Infidelity News Stories of 2006

Infidelity expert Ruth Houston’s Third annual list of top ten infidelity news stories for the year 2006.

(PRWeb) December 26, 2006 — This is the third annual list of top infidelity news stories for the year compiled by Ruth Houston, a New York- based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity-related breaking news, celebrity infidelity, high profile infidelity court cases and popular infidelity issues in the news. Ruth Houston is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com and the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs.

1. Brokeback Mountain won 3 Oscars and spawned the term “Brokeback marriages”, focusing national attention on same-sex infidelity and gay married men.

2. BET’s documentary, “The Down Low Exposed” raised public awareness of same-sex infidelity among Black men as a contributing factor to the high rate of HIV/AIDS among Black women.

3. The arrest of Richard Kudlik, a married man who impersonated a US Marshal to dupe 11 single women into having affairs with him, through a chat room for women over 40. This brought widespread attention to married men trolling dating sites to find unsuspecting single women with whom to have extramarital affairs.

4. Super model Christie Brinkley’s divorce from Peter Cook because of his year long affair with a 19-year-old toy store employee, whom he seduced after hiring her to work as his $50-an-hour personal assistant.

5. Worldwide Valentine’s Day Infidelity Awareness campaign spearheaded by infidelity expert Ruth Houston, founder of InfidelityAdvice.com, alerting infidelity victims that on Valentine’s Day infidelity reaches its peak, thus making it the best day to catch a cheating mate, and the busiest day of the year for PI’s specializing in infidelity investigations.

6. Jim McGreevey’s book, The Confession, discussing the intimate details of his same sex infidelity with an aide, which ultimately led to his resignation as governor of New Jersey and subsequent divorce.

7. ABC’s Prime Time Special “Out of Control: AIDS in the Black Community” which linked the HIV/AIDS epidemic among Blacks to the failure of the Black clergy to address the problem of same-sex infidelity. It spurred Black churches nationwide to take an active role in educating Black women about Black men on the down low.

8. The Federal investigation of New York attorney general candidate Jeanine Pirro for asking ex-NYPD Commissioner Bernard Kerik to bug her husband’s boat because she suspected him of having yet another extramarital affair.

9. Reese Witherspoon’s divorce from Ryan Philippe because of his alleged affair with Australian actress Abbie Cornish while filming “Stop-Loss.”

10. The resignation of anti-gay moral crusader Rev. Ted Haggard as head of the National Association of Evangelicals after the discovery of his 3-year same-sex affair with a gay male prostitute.

© 2006 Ruth Houston

—-Compiled by infidelity expert Ruth Houston, author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, and founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com

To interview Ruth, call 718 592-6039
For more information, visit the Press Room at www.InfidelityAdvice.com

ATTENTION : Editors, Reporters and Staff Writers
How many of these infidelity news stories did you cover in 2006?
Did you have ready access to an infidelity expert who could comment on:
• celebrity Infidelity
• high profile infidelity cases
• popular infidelity issues
• infidelity-related breaking news

Add infidelity expert Ruth Houston your expert file
and call her at 718 592-6039 whenever infidelity makes the news (and you can be sure it will) in 2007.

About Ruth Houston:
Infidelity expert, Ruth Houston is the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signswhich documents practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs usually overlooked..

Frequently called on by the media to comment on celebrity infidelity, high profile infidelity court cases, and popular infidelity issues in the news, Ruth has been quoted in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, the New York Post, Cosmopolitan, Newsday, the Toronto Sun , the National Post, the Chicago Tribune, the Miami Herald, City Life, iVillage, MSN Lifestyle, LavaLife, Netscape Love, Entertainment Online, Hollywood Heat, Yahoo Personals, Netscape Love, and numerous other print and online media.

Ruth has been a guest on The Today Show, Good Day New York, Ireland’s Late Late Show, 1010WINS, CNN, Telemundo, Court TV Radio, TalkAmerica, PowerTalkFM, BBC, CBC, Sirius Satellite Radio and over 270 radio and TV talk showsin the United States., Canada, Europe, South America, Australia, New Zealand and the Caribbean.

For more information, visit the PRESS ROOM at www.InfidelityAdvice.com

To interview Ruth Houston,
call 718 592-6039

###

In Japan Cell phones help wives’ doubts ring true about cheating husbands

Mobile phones are the biggest reason behind cheating Japanese husbands getting caught, according to a Shukan Post (12/22) survey on salaryman infidelity.

The top-selling men’s weekly probed 300 married salarymen, finding out that 74 percent had cheated on their wives at least once and 30.2 percent are still playing around.

“I’ve found out that about 80 percent of married men have played around at least once, so the Post findings don’t come as much of a shock at all. It just backs my findings,” Sanae Kameyama, writer of “Furin no Koi de Kurushimu Otokotachi (Men Burdened With Immoral Love),” tells Shukan Post.

Of the cheating salarymen, 35.8 percent had seen their extramarital affairs exposed, with mobile phones being the reason in 22.5 percent of cases. Other common methods of capture included smelling of perfume or being covered in cosmetics, and actually being caught red-handed.

“In my research, too, mobile phones were overwhelmingly the main reason men’s affairs have been discovered. It’s common sense to wipe out your call history and records of who you’ve called, but plenty of people are nabbed when their phones are checked,” Kameyama says. “Women know that the easiest way to check on their husbands is to take a look at their mobile phone records.”

That’s exactly how a 32-year-old Osaka housewife revealed her husband’s infidelity.

“Over the past couple of months, he started acting strangely. He took his phone with him wherever he went, even if it was only to pick up a packet of smokes. He also hid it under his clothes when he took them off to have a bath. He’d never behaved anything like this in the past,” the woman tells Shukan Post. “He wouldn’t check his phone e-mail when we were sitting around watching TV and the final straw for me came when he started hiding his phone under his pillow, saying he wanted to use it as an alarm clock to wake him in the mornings. I followed him one day and it didn’t take long before I spotted him walking along with his arm linked to a young hussy.”

Another woman used a slightly slyer means to catch out her love rat hubby.

“One night I got my husband’s mobile phone and noticed that late on Friday night he’d received 10 different phone calls from a ‘Taro Yamada (roughly the Japanese equivalent of “John Brown”).’ I thought it was a bit weird, so I called the number and the voice on the other end of the phone was clearly a young woman,” the 38-year-old housewife says.

Marriage guidance counselor Hiromi Ikeuchi says that when guys fall for someone other than their wife, they often give off plenty of signs.

“For instance, a man might talk about a new woman come to work in his office and what a nice woman she is. But if he actually starts having an affair with that woman, he’ll completely stop talking about her in the home,” she says. “Often guys give away their infidelity without ever realizing it.”

Catching love rats isn’t entirely a one-way street, though guys have a long way to go before they catch up with their spouses, as only a mere 9 percent of surveyed salarymen said they had caught their wife playing around.

“My guess is that about 80 percent of women wouldn’t mind having a fling and around 30 percent have probably gone through with their wish. I know of one woman who used to cart her 3-month-old baby around to the love hotels where she had her trysts with a secret lover,” Ikeuchi tells Shukan Post. “Starting from April next year, laws will be changed to allow career housewives to claim part of their husband’s pension payments in the event of a split. Many foresee a lot of divorcing going on among the middle-aged and elderly after that. I think that many women will be concealing their own infidelity while trying to find proof of their husbands’ cheating. You’ve got to be careful, you don’t know who you’re really married to.” (By Ryann Connell)

December 18, 2006

Attend Your Spouse’s Office Party

You know the drill for your spouse’s holiday office party. There will be stale snacks, tipsy co-workers and that guy with the dumb jokes who always corners you. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if you just stayed home and let your partner have some fun?

In a word — no. That’s the advice of relationship counselors.

“Tell all the spouses! Go to the party!” says Diane Sollee, a marriage therapist who founded SmartMarriages.com.

“The Christmas party is the workplace affair on steroids,” warns Peggy Vaughan, author of “The Monogamy Myth” and a former corporate consultant who founded DearPeggy.com. “It is playing with dynamite is what it is.”

Really? Just the old office gang, getting together for a few adult beverages and a laugh? What could possibly go wrong?

Well, there’s the obvious stuff. A Canon Copiers survey last year of its technicians in the United Kingdom found that 32 percent of service calls over the holidays were “to repair copier glass that had been sat on” or “to fix paper jams that revealed evidence of embarrassing images.”

Ah yes, copier high jinks, a staple of holiday parties. But that’s not where the unfortunate behavior ends. An independent survey of 1,000 office workers in the United Kingdom last year, cited by Canon, found that one-third of respondents have “kissed or gone home with a colleague.” Now we’re getting into problems that could last long after the holiday festivities are over.

University of California psychology Professor Dacher Keltner suggests you take a look at the numbers. His best estimate from the research he’s seen indicates that “35 to 60 percent of couples will experience infidelity.” A conservative estimate would be the University of Chicago’s “American Sexual Behavior” survey of married men and women, which found that 36 percent (22 percent of them men and 14 percent women) would have extramarital affairs.

And like everyone else who studies relationships, Keltner says the Christmas party is a setup for problems.

“You’ve got a collective gathering,” he says, “there’s the eggnog, you’re wearing a Santa hat …”

OK, but aren’t we getting a little paranoid here? After all, it is just a once-a-year party? Not really, says Sollee. She likes to cite the late Shirley Glass, a Baltimore psychologist who was one of the nation’s foremost experts on infidelity.

Glass noted the rise in the number of women in the workplace and the opportunity for interaction. She jokingly suggested that office buildings post a sign out front reading: “Danger, men and women working together here.”

That’s why Sollee suggests that spouses show up at the office regularly, from the holiday party to the company picnic.

“It’s just like war,” she says. “It is harder to shoot people you know. It is like going in and marking your territory.”

And if you suspect your spouse is having an affair, you should definitely go to the Christmas party, says author Ruth Houston. She wrote “Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs.”

Seriously? 829 signs?

“Well, they are divided into 21 categories,” Houston says.

Oh, good. Because otherwise it was starting to sound a little obsessive.

Houston is a holiday party militant. If you suspect your spouse, she says, you can’t afford not to attend.

“If anything is going on, it will be evident,” says Houston. “Someone may be overly friendly, excessively curious, or even hostile.”

Houston also shared her special office party “hot tip” — go to the restroom as often as possible.

“Make a couple of trips,” Houston says. “You never know what you might hear. Go into a stall and hang out. Somebody might say something they aren’t supposed to say, like, ‘Did you see her face when his wife walked in?’ ”

So, have we completely taken the fun out of the holiday party? With 829 telltale signs to worry about, some spouses may be afraid to reach for a chicken wing for fear of setting off an alarm.

With that in mind, Cal’s Keltner offers a contrarian view by referencing the work of psychologist Adam Phillips, who wrote “On Flirtation,” a series of essays on why happily married people flirt.

Keltner says Phillips’ premise is that, “Romantic bonds are just fundamentally ambiguous, so we are constantly flirting. The idea is that we are playfully, rather than seriously, doing something that is universal and that by acknowledging that, it may in fact be beneficial to flirt.”

So how would that apply to the holiday office bash?

“By that theory,” he says, “the Christmas party is actually the glue that holds marriages together.”

So there’s your talking point. All you have to do is convince your spouse. And I’d like to wish you the best of luck.

There’s Always a Way to Catch a Straying Spouse

“Don’t wait up, hon, I’m working a bit late tonight.”

Alex wasn’t alarmed when her lawyer husband uttered that line for the first time six years ago. Business is picking up, she thought, just what he wanted.

The phone call became a regular, expected event by the end of the year. Along with it were solo dinners and evenings that gave Alex plenty of time to think about what was really going on.

DIDN’T ADD UP

“I didn’t think anything of it at first, but then it became twice a week almost every week. Some things didn’t add up,” said Alex, who did not want her last name used.

“I’d get no answer on his cellphone and he’d say the battery was dead. I called his work line and no one would pick up. He told me he did his work in a conference room because it was quieter.”

Turns out, her husband was getting what he wanted, and Alex was the last to know about it. When she confronted him, he would deny he was having an affair and dodged her questions.

She asked his friends but they were mum on the topic. She checked his credit card and cellphone bills but found nothing that implicated him.

At the same time, Alex found that she was having self-esteem and trust issues. She felt insecure and rejected.

“I had no proof yet, but I wondered how he could love someone else,” she said.

At her wit’s end and in a last-ditch effort, Alex hired a private investigator to secretly tail her husband. Three weeks later, she showed her husband a picture of him walking hand-in-hand with a co-worker.

“His face went white like a ghost. He was stunned and, of course, he tried to make up an excuse,” she said. “I kicked him out.”

Alex and her husband divorced two years later.

When people are desperate for answers they turn to Winnipeg’s Janie Duncan, operator of Duncan Investigations, to obtain solid proof of a mate’s secret romps.

Her investigations into a person’s suspected infidelity have led her to the city’s seedy massage parlours.

“It’s a huge industry,” said Duncan, who’s been a private investigator for 17 years.

Trends seem to be changing. In the past, most of her clients were women. Today, more men are hiring her to find out just how faithful their wives are.

“It’s at epidemic proportions,” Duncan said. “People forget about their vows. They think the grass is greener on the other side but when the sex wears off the grass is never greener on the other side.

“People really aren’t as committed (as they used to be),” she said. “It’s easier to leave a marriage than to work on it.”

Based on recent cases, she’s found an increase in the number of people who cheat on a spouse with a friend. Once caught, women tend to admit their mistakes, apologize and seek counselling, Duncan said, while men deny, deny, deny, even if the evidence is in front of them.

“I can only take photos and videos of them going from point A to B. I can’t make any assumptions,” she said. “I’ll leave that up to the courts.”

Some people do their own sleuthing to catch a mate. Companies cash in on products such as electronics, CSI in a box, and computer software.

Oh, the lengths people will go to have piece of mind.

SEMEN DETECTER

One of the quirkier products Toronto-based Spy Tech distributes is the CheckMate semen detection test kit.

“I was surprised how popular the item is,” said Spy Tech owner Ursula Lebana. “I guess there’s still a lot of suspicion out there about cheating.”

CheckMate detects traces of dried semen in underwear and other articles after sex using the five-minute test. A chemical is applied to the stain, then transferred to trace paper before a reaction compound is added.

A colour reaction will let you know if semen is present. The solution doesn’t damage the test subject.

One Toronto father used it to find out of his 13-year-old daughter was sexually active, Lebana said.

Packs of two test kits sell for $50 on CheckMate’s website, www.getcheckmate.com.

Technology has improved by leaps and bounds, and so have the investigative tools and gadgets used to pry and spy. Cue James Bond.

For concrete evidence, tiny surveillance cameras can be used to catch an adulterous spouse in the throes of passion with someone else.

“Covert cameras can be so small that you can hide them in just about anything, and they can be wireless,” said Cheryl Stearns, operations manager of Optima Systems Inc. on Pembina Highway.

Hidden cameras can be wired into most household items. Planters, wall clocks, children’s toys, you name it.

Systems are so sophisticated they can send still images to a person’s cellphone, or people can dial in and watch whatever is happening in the room on a computer.

A basic hidden camera costs about $150, while advanced systems cost hundreds of dollars.

Polygraph tests, sound amplifiers, telephone conversation recorders, and GPS vehicle tracking devices are some of the other products and services out there.

It is illegal to attach a GPS device to a vehicle without the owner’s approval, Stearns said.

Endless Array of Partners Wait on Net

By CHRIS KITCHING

Alone in his computer room on a Saturday night, Tony clicked on sports website after sports website, scrolling through hockey summaries and updating his fantasy football team.

Splattered on every page were colourful ads featuring scantily clad women, sports magazine offers, and various unaffiliated websites. One of them caught his eye.

With his wife watching TV in the den and their two kids snug in bed, Tony nervously created a profile and searched the member database of an international online dating service.

He didn’t really understand why he was doing it, or what he was looking for, but he knew it had something to do with a feeling something in his relationship was absent.

“My wife and I were happy in an emotional sense, and we still are, but for awhile I felt like something was lacking and that I was bored sexually,” said Tony, which is not the 33-year-old man’s real name. “I regret that night. It changed my life.”

Tony deleted his profile within a week and vowed to remain faithful to his wife of several years. They met in university and were crazy about each other.

They got married after a couple of years of dating. Soon, they had two kids, full-time careers, and extra-curricular activities that kept them busy and apart.

Life had basically become a routine and their sex life was on the decline. They barely had time or the energy for each other, Tony said.

“It seems like such a weak reason to seek out someone else but at the time it was a major factor in my life,” he said. “It affected everything I did and everything about me. My attitude, all of that stuff.”

A few months passed. One night, as Tony and his wife watched a syndicated sitcom, he saw an ad for the Ashley Madison Agency.

The Toronto-based Internet dating service caters to those looking to stray from their better halves, or are the least bit curious about what else is out there.

Within a day, Tony had created a public profile and private photo album, and used his credit card to buy more than $100 in credits that would allow him to interact with other members.

Even though he hadn’t made contact yet with anyone, Tony said he was already having an affair because he was doing something “wrong” behind his wife’s back.

At 1.45 million members (85% of them men), Ashley Madison is the largest website of its kind. Of those, 10,700 are in Manitoba. The website’s slogan is “When monogamy becomes monotony.”

Its member count is proof the Internet is now the No. 1 place for cheaters to hook up. Emotional affairs are common. Some people take them out of cyberspace and into the real world.

Tony did.

He met an older woman who shared his feelings. They chatted and flirted over the Net during the day when Tony was at his office and the woman was at home and her husband at work.

VIRTUAL MISTRESS

“I was looking for attention and sex. The Internet made it seem so easy to get,” he said.

Knowing his wife and kids would be out of town for the weekend, Tony took a major leap — he asked his virtual mistress if she’d meet him at a St. Vital hotel.

She lied to her husband, telling him she was going out for drinks with friends, Tony said.

Tony’s wife doesn’t know he had a one-night stand.

“I couldn’t tell her. Am I a coward? Maybe,” Tony said. “I know what I did was wrong. I’ll never do it again, but I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”

The Internet is popular grounds for finding a fellow cheating heart because it’s convenient and a person can maintain a level of anonymity, said Darren Morgenstern, operations director and founder of the Ashley Madison Agency.

People who are going to stray are going to find a way to do it, he said.

“To the people who need us, we provide a safe, reliable forum for them to come out and explore the full gamut of their feelings,” Morgenstern said. “They can decide if the grass is truly greener on the other side.”

The website has its critics.

“You’re always going to have a group of people who don’t agree with your business model and we don’t pretend to be for everybody,” Morgenstern said.

Infidelity author Ruth Houston said 30% of online affairs move out of the computer room and become sexual affairs in the bedroom. Or backseat of a car. Or hotel room. You get the idea.

“The Internet makes it infinitely easier to find a person to cheat with,” Houston said.

Traditionally, a person would go to a public place to seek out a willing partner at the risk of being slapped in the face or caught, she said.

That willing partner is sometimes unaware of the person’s attachment.

“Now, all a person has to do is sit in front of a computer to have an endless array of available partners at the click of a mouse,” Houston said. “The (spouse) can be sitting in the same room, totally unaware of what the person is doing.”

A secret emotional relationship that doesn’t leave the confines of cyberspace is emotional infidelity, no matter what the defence, Houston said.

“Emotional infidelity is the precursor to sexual infidelity,” she said.

“If it goes on long enough and it’s feasible for the two people to meet eventually they will.”

Internet Infidelity Souring Real Relationships

NEW DELHI: With more and more men and women having cyber affairs, Internet infidelity seems to have arrived in India.

The faithful are trying to catch their techno-savvy unfaithful partners red-handed in cyber space by keeping pace with technology.

Anoop (all names in the article are aliases) works from home on his PC and promptly logs off around 7 pm when it’s time for his wife to get back home. Anoop insists that the women he chats with are just “friends”.

Excessive use of Internet is also becoming a reason for break-up of marriages. Adil, 48, has posted fake profiles on almost all matrimonial sites. He interacts with prospective brides trying to pass off as a 30-something groom and often exchanges phone numbers.

It’s not just the husbands and boyfriends who are cheating — the wives and girlfriends are not far behind. Anita, 29, by her own admission is addicted to the ‘30-something-room’ on a popular Indian chat site. As rebuilding trust after an episode of Internet infidelity may not be easy, plenty of websites are offering tips to deal with it.

Texas Man gets Probation after Exposing Wife’s Infidelity on TV

By Melody McDonald
McClatchy Newspapers

FORT WORTH, Texas – A Texas man who exposed his estranged wife’s alleged affair with a Fort Worth police captain on the reality TV show “Cheaters” has been sentenced to probation for violating a protective order.

Rafael Gutierrez Jr., 42, reached a plea bargain agreement on Tuesday and was sentenced to three years deferred adjudication probation for violating a protective order when he showed up at Maria Gutierrez’s work with the “Cheaters” crew on May 4, 2005.

Deferred adjudication means if Gutierrez successfully completes his probation, there will be no finding of guilt and a conviction will not appear on his record, although the arrest will remain.

Gutierrez also pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and was sentenced to 15 days in jail for assaulting his estranged wife on Feb. 22, 2005 in Grand Prairie, a Fort Worth suburb. As part of the plea bargain, a second assault that occurred two days earlier was dismissed.

The couple has since divorced.

Prosecutor JoAnn Pearce, who handled the plea with Sean Colston, declined to comment on Wednesday because criminal cases against the Cheaters crew are pending and scheduled to go to trial next month. Rafael Gutierrez’s defense attorney, Ernie Bates, was in court on Wednesday and could not be reached for comment.

According to court documents, after her husband assaulted her in February 2005, Maria Gutierrez moved out of the home, filed for divorce and got a protective order which, among other things, prohibited her husband from going to her place of work.

After she left, officials said Rafael Gutierrez hired a private investigator who filmed Maria Gutierrez and Fort Worth police Capt. Duane Paul engaged in sexual conduct in an unmarked city vehicle on three occasions.

On May 4, 2005, Rafael Gutierrez, with a “Cheaters” TV crew in tow, confronted his estranged wife about the alleged affair outside a Bally’s Fitness Center in Arlington, Texas, where she worked.

In the footage, Maria Gutierrez can be seen talking on a cell phone when she is surprised by Rafael Gutierrez and the TV crew. With her husband hovering over her and yelling at her in English and Spanish, Maria Gutierrez tried to go back into the fitness center but was blocked by the Cheaters security guards.

Maria Gutierrez, attempting to summon help on her phone, tried to re-enter Bally’s but was once again blocked by the security guard.

She later shouted “don’t hit me” after it appeared that her husband was attempting to grab her arm.

A co-worker eventually helped her get back inside.

Gutierrez was later arrested for violating the protective order. Not long after, four members of the “Cheaters” crew – who claimed they did not know the woman had a protective order against Gutierrez – also found themselves in legal trouble in connection with the incident.

A Tarrant County grand jury indicted Joey Greco, the host of “Cheaters,” and Hunter Carson, the episode’s director, on charges of assault with bodily injury, unlawful restraint and hindering apprehension. Walter Earl Woods, 36, and Thomas Daniel Gibbons, 19, security guards contracted by “Cheaters,” were indicted on charges of assault with bodily injury and unlawful restraint.

The men are scheduled to be tried together on Nov. 6.

Paul, the officer captured on the tape with Maria Gutierrez, was later demoted from captain to lieutenant.

© 2006, Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

Visit the Star-Telegram on the World Wide Web at http://www.star-telegram.com.

Sex gear stolen for killer lover

By Viva Goldner, Court Reporter

October 16, 2006 12:00
Article from: The Daily Telegraph

A FEMALE probation officer – suspended without pay for having an affair with a convicted murderer – has admitted stealing kinky costumes while her paroled boyfriend distracted staff, a court has been told.
The Daily Telegraph can reveal for the first time the details of their illicit relationship that led mother-of-two Kerrie Anne Loughland, 32, to leave her family and move in with her criminal lover.

The unlikely affair is the latest debacle to rock the Parole Authority, after it waited almost two weeks to revoke child killer John Lewthwaite’s parole when he was arrested for obscene exposure.

In the latest scandal Loughland was suspended without pay while the Department of Corrective Services investigated her “alleged inappropriate relationship” with an inmate.

The Blaxland mother’s position as a probation and parole officer at Silverwater jail is now under review.

Documents tendered to court reveal Loughland was assigned to Sean McAuliffe’s case last February, four months before he was released from the Mid-North Coast Correctional Centre.

McAuliffe served 12 years jail after being found guilty of murder in 1992.

Police claim McAuliffe and Loughland were “good friends”.

On September 18, the pair went to Sydney’s Kins Cross and entered Risque Adult Shop on Darlinghurst Rd about 2pm.

Loughland grabbed a selection of novelty uniforms and latex costumes and headed to the changerooms, followed by her criminal beau.

He left the cubicle and continued to browse the store’s x-rated wares, Downing Centre Local Court was told.

Noticing some clothing had not been returned, shop assistant “Cecil” inspected McAuliffe’s bag and found one captain costume and one fireman costume, valued at $309.90 in total.

McAuliffe then fled, taking with him a “black dress and a devil’s costume” worth $199.90, the court heard.

Police arrived soon after and arrested Loughland, before later arresting McAuliffe. Both accused pleaded guilty to stealing the items and were each fined $600 at separate court hearings.

Infidelity Turns Wedding into Charity Event

VERGENNES, Vt., Sept. 11 (UPI) — A would-be bride transformed her canceled Vergennes, Vt., wedding into a charity event at the Basin Harbor Club resort on Lake Champlain.

Kyle Paxman called off the wedding in July when she discovered her fiance was having an affair with another woman. Paxman’s mother, Patricia Carbee, said the family decided to convert the ceremony into a charity event after they were unable to cancel their pre-paid reservations at the club, the Barre (Vt.) Times Argus reported Monday.

“We wanted to find a way to help her heal and help others at the same time,” Carbee said.

The Saturday event, which features an open bar, a four-course gourmet meal and lodging, will benefit the Vermont Children’s Aid Society and CARE, an organization that works to empower women in developing nations.

Paxman said “125 strong, charity-minded women” have been invited to the event.

“We’re going to have an amazing time,” Paxman predicted.