Infidelity Horoscope

Having an extra marital affair?
8 Jul 2007

Astrologer Harsh Khiraiya believes that your horoscope can reveal your tendencies towards extra marital affairs.

The disposable era has arrived. Today everything is quick, fun and disposable – right from eye lenses to relationships. Being monogamous is passe. Having an affair after marriage is trendy! Does the horoscope show or indicate extra marital affairs or flirtatious propensities? Well, it certainly does and it also reveals the reasons for the affair.

Anatomy of an extra martial affair:

An extra marital affair generally takes place due to the following reasons:

Unsatisfied sexual needs incompatibility of personalities.

Lack of intimacy.


Peer pressure (all my friends are having affairs so why shouldn’t I?).

Results show that:

Women tend to be guilty about such relationships while men don’t care.

80 per cent of women flirt because their husbands treat them like dirt while 90 per cent of men just want to have variety in sex.

Women also tend to get emotionally attached to the other partner knowing that they will not divorce their current husbands.

Astrological analysis of an extra marital affair:

So why do people get into extra marital affairs? Do the stars have an answer? Yes they do! From the astrological point of view, the following planets and houses deserve special attention:


The planet of love and lust. The primary driver for exotic relationships is Venus. If you have a Venus with Mars or a hyper active Venus you are sure to flirt! However, a Venus with Uranus can make you a sex maniac or a pervert who has affairs to satisfy his or her sexual obsessions.

Jupiter (Guru):

The planet of goodness and religion. It is only when you have a weak jupiter would you think of an extra marital affair. Your conscience does not bite you and you feel you have done nothing wrong. A strong Guru will prevent flirtations.

The 5th house:

The 5th house stands for love, romance, scandals and is the primary indicator of affairs. The classical combinations for such relations are – Venus-Rahu in the 5th or Mars-Venus in the 5th house.

The 7th house:

The 7th house stands for marriage. A strong 7th house means that you will never have affairs because you are devoted to your husband.

The 8th house:

The 8th house indicates sexual attitudes, orgasm, masturbation etc. The 8th house indicates whether the affair will be physical or not.

Predicting extra marital affairs:

Is it possible to predict when you will have an affair or when your current affair will break off ? Absolutely! With the proper charts, the following can be easily and fairly accurately predicted: When are you most likely to have an affair? Will there be multiple affairs or just one? Are the affairs due to lust or emotional dependancies? Will you find a cheat or a good lover?


So the next time you doubt that your spouse is having an affair, instead of going to the detective agency, just get his or her horoscope checked!

Facts About infidelity

Here are some surprising facts about infidelity:

Approximately 20 to 25 percent of men and 10 to 15 percent of women engage in extramarital sex at least once during their marriage and infidelity has been found to be the single most cited cause of divorce in over 150 cultures.

11 percent of adults who have ever been married or cohabited have been unfaithful to their partner.

Infidelity is influenced by many social and demographic factors. All of the following were associated with an increased risk of infidelity: having been part of a couple for a long time; having had a high number of prior sex partners; being male or black; living in a central city; and thinking about sex several times a day.

Respondents who reported that their relationships were “pretty happy” and “not too happy” were two and four times more likely, respectively, to have reported extramarital sex than respondents who reported that they were “very happy” with their relationships.

More than 80 percent of women and 65 percent to 85 percent of men report that they had no partners other than their spouse while they were married.

94 percent of married men and women had only one sex partner (their spouse) in the past 12 months, 4 percent had 2 to 4 partners, and 1 percent had more than 5 partners.

SOURCE: The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University.

If you suspect that your spouse falls into one of these statistics, contact us to see how we can help.

Spyware for your Cell Phone

Who said that wireless devices can’t be easily hacked?

Well, maybe it’s still not that easy to drop spyware on a stranger’s cell phone, but apparently it’s not quite as difficult to sneak a peek at whatever it is that your child, spouse or employee — or anyone else who is dense enough to pass you their phone for a few minutes — has been up to on their handheld.

A Taiwanese company named Vervata released a new version of a program named FlexiSPY on June 12 that promises the ability for people to track a wide range of usage details on Blackberry, Windows Mobile, and the Nokia Series 60 phones, among many other models.

Unlike computer-borne spyware or most real-world computing hacks, the system can only be downloaded by someone who has physical access to a device — but the implications are pretty scary and give you an idea of what types of spying mobile malware may be capable of someday soon.

Among the many capabilities of the program — advertised as a legitimate product for use by concerned parents, jilted lovers or suspicious bosses — FlexiSPY promises the chance for users to silently view all of the SMS text messages and e-mails that have been sent from and received by a phone carrying the application, as well as view their call logs and pinpoint device usage locations.

So much for any hope of privacy kids.

After someone has installed the program on a device it can only be accessed using a password and the software uploads any information it gathers to a secure server via GPRS. This allows for remote viewing and analysis of such contents, essentially giving that person everything but the ability to eavesdrop on the device owner’s phone conversations.

The data can be viewed using either a PC or another handheld device once it is collected, according to the manufacturer. A Pro version of the product also claims the ability for users to secretly turn on an infected device’s microphone from any other phone and listen to their surroundings for clues where they might be, or perhaps who they might be with.

Vervata claims that FlexiSPY has already been employed by large numbers of people worldwide to uncover extramarital affairs, disloyal employee activities, and to allow parents to track their children’s device use.

The company said that the product is also being used by law enforcement officials — presumably to spy on potential suspects — and said that it is similarly helpful as a cost control mechanism, and for supporting compliance and mobile data backup efforts.

“We’ve received numerous testimonials from customers who have caught their spouses cheating on them, their children behaving inappropriately, and from company executives who have used FlexiSPY to nab disloyal employees,” Atir Raihan, managing director of Vervata, said in a statement.

The company stresses repeatedly that FlexiSPY is neither a Trojan nor a virus and doesn’t attempt to hide itself as some other type of program once it is downloaded onto a device.

Rather, the firm is pitching it as more of a parental controls enforcement tool for wireless devices.

“While spying on people may seem unethical, cheating spouses, rogue employees sharing private company data, or unsuspecting children receiving SMS messages from pedophiles are all activities nobody wants to see happen,” Raihan said. “FlexiSPY is just like the various software applications that have been around for years that you can install on your PC to monitor inappropriate activities; we’ve brought that technology to the mobile platform.”

So, the lesson is — watch what you say or write on those cell phones people, you never know who may be watching or listening.

Posted by Matt Hines on June 12, 2007 12:43 PM

Handling Infidelity

Handling infidelity when you catch your girlfriend with someone else is rough, but the best thing is to simply keep quiet about the whole episode.

Refrain from screaming and abusing.

Break up with her and take control of your life or allow her to continue doing what she has been doing for a while, only if you think you can make her realise.

Try to speak to her and learn her true feelings. Is she is actually in love with someone else or they are just friends? You can give it another try in case you think you can forget and forgive.

If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it and be sure that your partner is ready too. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious cycle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate.

Try to understand what made your girlfriend cheat on you. Analyse if there was something wrong in your behaviour and the relationship between both of you, which led such a situation.

Refrain from spreading rumours and personal information about your ex-girlfriend , once you decide to part ways. It’s always a good idea to part on a pleasant note. Try not be bitter about your relationship and do not be mean.

Office Romances Keep on Blooming

Published: Saturday, May 5, 2007 | 2:24 PM ET
Canadian Press

NEW YORK (AP) – Whether it’s the flattering fluorescent lighting or the intimate privacy of the office cubicle, the workplace is fertile ground for those with a wandering eye.

More than one-third of people who admit to infidelity cheat on their spouses with co-workers, according to a study by and (Friends were philanderers’ first choice.)

The survey also suggests that the more money men make, the more likely they are to cheat, says Josey Miller, iVillage love and sex editor.

For women, income had no relationship to their propensity to be unfaithful, she said.

Opinions about what behaviours constitute cheating also differed between the sexes. Nearly three-quarters of women consider sending flirtatious e-mails to a co-worker cheating, compared with just over half of men.

Regardless of who’s right on that one, has all that sexual harassment training taught us nothing? Back away from the send button.

More than 70,000 respondents participated in the survey.

Adultery is the “Primary Reason for Divorce” According to Study

A survey has revealed that private investigators were hired during almost half the divorce proceedings in Britain last year, compared with only 18% in 2005.

The survey conducted by Grant Thornton of 100 leading law firms found 49% of divorces last year came after one partner had hired a private detective to look for evidence of adultery by the other. Investigators were hired by 30% of divorcing women and 19% of divorcing men.

The survey also found that 32% of divorces were attributed to adultery last year, compared with 29% in 2005. In more than two-thirds of these it was the man who was declared unfaithful and in 31% of cases it was the woman.

Andrea McLaren, head of Grant Thornton’s matrimonial practice in London, said: “For the fourth year running our survey has shown that extramarital affairs are the primary reason cited for the breakdown of marriages in the UK. As this figure continues to rise it is little wonder that the number of individuals using private investigators increased.”

Primary Reason for Divorce

Florida Sheriff’s Dept Employees Fired for Having Sex on Duty


Originally published — 3:02 p.m., April 20, 2007
Updated — 7:21 p.m., April 20, 2007

Two Lee County sheriff’s deputies were fired separately this month amid allegations they had sex with women while they were on duty, authorities said.

In both cases, records show the deputies’ relationships were reported by a jilted lover — the wife of Deputy Michael Haigis brought cell phone records to the sheriff’s headquarters after finding a Valentine’s Day card in his duffel bag. And 17-year veteran Sgt. Edwin Cintron was subjected to an Internal Affairs investigation when a 7-Eleven clerk reported he’d left her for another clerk, according to sheriff’s reports.

Both men were ultimately fired. A sheriff’s dispatcher, Cristina Baughman, also was let go after authorities determined she and Haigis carried on their affair at work.

“There’s no place in law enforcement for that type of nonsense on duty,” Lee Sheriff Mike Scott said. “I was angry and embarrassed, and took very quick action to investigate it.”

None of the three ex-employees could be reached Friday. But both women accused of having sex with Cintron disputed the official version of facts.

“I think it’s a travesty, him losing his job,” Shelba Norton said. “This whole ordeal is a very sad situation.”

According to an internal affairs report, Norton was first to tell the Sheriff’s Office that Cintron had oral sex with her co-worker behind a Fort Myers 7-Eleven. A report says Norton said “she was upset with the deputy who was also a former boyfriend.”

She strongly denied Friday making that initial complaint.

Either way, authorities took the report and interviewed the other clerk, Lisa Anderson. She denied such an encounter took place while Cintron was on duty. Reached on her cell phone Friday afternoon, Anderson said she stands by the statements she gave investigators.

“I was with him — me being wrong and him being wrong,” she said, but “I cut off talking with him because I didn’t want to deal with this drama.”

Given his turn to talk with investigators, Cintron owned up to “almost having sexual intercourse with” Norton in her driveway, in full view of her neighbors, while he was on duty, according to the reports. He also said he’d had oral sex with Anderson behind the 7-Eleven, in his uniform.

But he said his shift was over when it happened.

Cintron was fired Thursday. Despite his comments, the report concluded there was “clear and convincing evidence that Sergeant Edwin Cintron had numerous sexual encounters with Shelba Norton and Lisa Anderson while on-duty.”

In the other case, records say Haigis and Baughman met up several times starting in November 2006, having oral sex at a park or on the side of the road.

Haigis’ wife discovered the card in March and printed out cell phone records to bring evidence of his extra-marital relationship to the Sheriff’s Office, reports say.

Improper conduct and neglect of duty charges against Haigis, who told investigators he was in his uniform and driving his patrol car, but off duty, during at least one of the encounters, were substantiated. Baughman was confronted with evidence she’d once left work to have oral sex with Haigis, whereupon she said she’d forgotten about it, the reports say.

Haigis was hired just over a year ago, authorities said. Baughman had been on staff about three years.

“Sex on duty, lying about it — that’ll get you a ticket out the door every time,” Scott said.

Signs of Husband’s Infidelity are Everywhere

Published April 20, 2007

Deborah Joswig did a double take when she saw her name inside a gigantic heart on a billboard along a busy street.

“Deborah & Eric Joswig. Always & Forever,” the billboard read. “Ephesians 5:25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church.”

She begged her husband to turn around so she could get another look.

That billboard, put up in September on Ulmerton Road in Largo, was the first of six in the Tampa Bay area.

There was one for her birthday in December.

There was one on Tampa’s John F. Kennedy Boulevard, which Deborah first saw lit up at midnight, on Valentine’s Day.

Now, there’s one on State Road 60 in Brandon.

For Eric, the billboards are the ultimate public confession that he cheated on his wife for almost a decade.

They’re meant to show his ex-buddies that he still loves the woman he married nearly 27 years ago.

But as the number of billboard’s grew, Deborah rolled her eyes.

“I said, ‘No more, no more,’ ” she said. “He does one nice thing and then you say, ‘Is it something you can believe in, or is it just a game?’ ”

A secret life

Though his wife sometimes questions his sincerity, Eric Joswig insists he’ll spend the rest of his life showing that he loves her and that he’s sorry.

The six billboards cost him nearly $10,000, but years of infidelity nearly cost him his marriage.

While Deborah was busy being a mother and working full time, Eric was busy working in construction.

His lunch hours, he said, were spent having sex with women he’d met at traffic lights while riding his motorcycle or at bars.

By his count, there were seven to 10 partners in one five-year span. He said he stopped having affairs 10 years ago, but didn’t come clean until Deborah got suspicious.

“It was a secret that ate me up inside,” he said. “I wasn’t respecting my wife and my marriage.”

Their marriage had been rife with troubles even before he revealed the affairs.

For years, Eric was a different person in public than the fun, caring father he was at home, Deborah said.

“If we went to an event together, he’d tell me to go away. He’d put his arm around other women and tell dirty jokes,” she said. “It was like I wasn’t his wife.”

The two clashed over their construction business. At work and home, the most burdensome jobs were left to Deborah.

“He resented that I was just not the woman that he could tell to sit and behave,” she said.

Then, three years ago, Deborah heard Eric take a coworker’s call. “It’s just a business call,” he told his wife, but she thought otherwise.

Little by little, the truth began coming out, Deborah said.

Eric confessed to her a year ago that the woman on the phone that day hadn’t been the only one. They began seeing a marriage counselor and a therapist. Now, she combs through his past with questions in her mind.

Old day planners tell her when he took off work to see another woman. She looks at pictures of them smiling with their daughters and thinks, Was he really happy on that ski trip? Was he looking for something out there?

Starting over

In August, they closed the business and are now planning to move to their 400-acre ranch in Ocala. It will take the rest of his life to finally be a good husband, Eric said.

Leaving a successful construction business is a small gesture on the path to redemption.

“Nothing else matters in life except my marriage now,” he said. “If you can lie to your wife, how the hell could anybody else in the world trust you?”

For many years, Eric didn’t give friends and co-workers reason to trust him, either, he said.” A lot of people know the rotten side of me that my wife didn’t know,” Eric said.

That includes former colleagues who knew about – and condoned – his infidelity. The billboards, Eric said, were also aimed at them. “These are the people who need to know that I’m no longer who I was. I want them to know that my wife is not a fool and the only reason we’re still together is by her grace.”

The women he once slept with need to know it too, he said. That’s why there’s now a billboard in Brandon.

It’s miles from the Joswigs’ Seminole home, but near where some of the other women live.

He said he’ll continue to put up billboards for special occasions, persevering just as he did when he first noticed Deborah working at a Kmart back in high school near Pittsburgh.

“Please don’t think my wife has forgiven me. I devastated her,” he said. “But we are finding each other again.”

For Deborah, the billboards aren’t a quick cure-all. Repairing their marriage is an ongoing process, she said. She sees the billboards as a public-service announcement. “We are coming out and letting people know it’s okay to move on from something like this and fix it,” she said.

Eric, Deborah said, is now a different person than the man who hurt her so many times.

He has removed himself from the places and people that brought him down and worked on finding himself and his faith in God. “I’ve seen him change,” she said. “Why should I leave him now, now that he’s trying?”

Amanda Palleschi can be reached at 661-2456 or

Infidelity is in the Air for Road Warriors says USA Today

Infidelity is in the AirMelissa cheats on her husband on business trips but not in her hometown. “That would be lethal,” she says.

Like many frequent business travelers, she uses the protection of the road to live a secret life of romance far from spouses or partners. Their affairs range from one-night stands to relationships that last for years. They’re usually with a co-worker, a business associate or someone they encounter often during repeat visits to a city.

TELL US: What do you do when you’re bored on a business trip?

“Business travel creates an opportunity to cheat away from prying eyes,” says infidelity expert Ruth Houston, author of Is he Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs.

While no one has specifically studied business travel and infidelity, academics and therapists say cheating is probably more prevalent on the road than close to home. And the heightened exposure of business travelers to the possibility of infidelity increases the prospects that they and their employers could be left to air the details of their affairs in the courts or in the press.

The infidelities of traveling athletes, movie stars, musicians and other celebrities are standard tabloid fare. Joumana Kidd, the wife of NBA star Jason Kidd of the New Jersey Nets, for example, accused him in February in a divorce-court filing of affairs with various women in different cities.

An affair led to the downfall of former Boeing CEO Harry Stonecipher, who worked in Chicago and was asked to resign in 2005 after he had an extramarital affair with Debra Peabody, a Washington, D.C.-based vice president at the company. Both subsequently resigned.

In December, Julie Roehm, a former senior vice president at Wal-Mart, sued the company, claiming that it had violated her contract when she was fired that month. Wal-Mart countersued, alleging that she went on business trips and violated company policy by having an affair with a married man who worked for her. Wal-Mart said it is against company policy for an employee to become romantically involved with someone he or she supervises. “Associates who violate this policy will be subject to immediate termination,” it said.

Roehm, who also is married, said she is the victim of a “smear campaign.”

Only a minority of companies have specific policies regulating workplace romance, says Mark Oldman, co-founder of Vault, a company specializing in career information. “Most employers don’t want to reach into the personal life of employees or give the perception of trying to do so.”

But some companies expressly prohibit romantic relationships between employees, says Peter Petesch, a lawyer at Ford & Harrison, a national firm specializing in labor and employment law. “In the middle of these extremes are policies that require disclosure of relationships or bar relationships between persons in a supervisor-subordinate status,” he says.

Michael Lotito, an employment lawyer at law firm Jackson Lewis, says companies could face sexual-harassment claims when workers hook up on the road. “A relationship may begin in a welcome way, but sometime in the future, one person may want it to stop,” he says. “Suddenly, the events take on a different tone.”

Workplace romance could also influence awarding of contracts and cause “economic harm” to a company, Lotito says.

Hurt vs. liability

But not all the affairs occurring during business travel involve co-workers, and most never make headlines. For many business travelers, the hurt they inflict on spouses and family usually outweighs the liability they create for employers.

Infidelity studies show that extramarital sex occurs in up to 25% of heterosexual marriages in the USA, according to Adrian Blow, a Michigan State University professor who is a marriage and family therapist. The studies show that more men than women are cheating, but none have specifically looked at business travelers.

That group is likely to have a higher infidelity rate, Blow and other experts say, because many factors make cheating easier. Among them: freedom from a spouse’s scrutiny and home responsibilities, more opportunities to meet new people, and the near-constant availability of alcohol at after-hour meals and social events.

Chris Arnzen of the National Institute of Marriage, a non-profit Christian counseling service, says business travel often involves competition for a sale or contract, and some people view sex as “a way to celebrate a success or soothe a defeat.” If that’s their outlook, “It sets them up for infidelity,” she says.

University of Washington sociology professor Pepper Schwartz says, for some, cheating while on the road involves less guilt.

“There seems to be a feeling,” says Schwartz, “that a fling at a convention, an interesting person met on a plane or a chance encounter is somehow more blameless than something done in one’s hometown or with a friend in one’s social circle.”

For Melissa, an affair added spice to her life and eased the loneliness of the road.

“You’re in your room alone at the end of the night and have to sleep with the remote,” she says.

She and four other frequent business travelers who have been involved in affairs on the road talked to USA TODAY about their experiences, as did the wife of one of the business travelers. Each asked to remain anonymous because of unsuspecting family members, friends and co-workers.

Melissa, who is in her 40s and has been married for more than 20 years, says every few months on business trips she sleeps in a hotel with a married man in her company who lives in another state. “It’s not necessarily healthy,” she says, “but it gives me a reason to keep going.”

Melissa says she’s in love with her co-worker and doesn’t have any guilt. She says she has a “stagnant, brother-and-sister relationship” with her husband and loves him “as the father of my children.”

She and her lover were drinking at a bar when they first were attracted to one another and realized they were more than friends.

Psychologist Dave Carder, a family therapist in Fullerton, Calif., says business travelers “are on a slippery slope headed for trouble” any time they go out to an entertainment venue, drink alcohol, eat expensive meals together, have time “to build a social, platonic friendship” and return to the same hotel. “Secrecy is the protection; alcohol is the barrier buster; and availability lights the fire.”

Robert, a married business traveler in the Midwest, says he has three steady lovers in three cities. He says his relationship with his wife is unfulfilling. “What makes her happy doesn’t make me happy,” he says. “At home, we have one giver, me, and one taker, her. I want a synergism where you love someone, and they love you.”

Robert, in his 60s, says he hasn’t told his wife about his three lovers. He met them on the Internet, and each one is married. Two of their husbands are unaware of him, but one has an “open marriage,” he says.

When traveling, “You don’t feel so attached to family and community,” says Dan, a 48-year-old marketing executive in the Phoenix area whose affair with a client was a factor in his divorce. “Your standards and morals tend to change a bit.”

Salespeople, he says, call it the 1,000-mile rule. “Within 1,000 miles of home, you play by the rules and don’t fool around,” he says. “Beyond 1,000 miles, you can do whatever you want.”

Most affairs involve people who aren’t meeting for the first time, says Frank Pittman, an Atlanta-based psychiatrist and author of a book,Private Lies: Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy.

And people in certain professions —athletes, military officers, pilots, lawyers, doctors and others in “high-profile” jobs — are more prone to have affairs, says Frederick DiBlasio, a University of Maryland professor of social work and a therapist. They have fame, power or wealth, and their positions tend to attract suitors, he says.

Stephanie, a frequent business traveler who had a past affair on the road, says she’s seen married people at trade shows act “like wild animals,” usually with other business people. “Trade shows are where the most infidelities take place,” she says.

Stephanie disapproves of the many married business travelers she has seen having “one- or two-night stands” on the road. She admits, though, that she and her current husband were on business trips and had an affair while married to their first spouses. Her first husband was also having affairs on road trips and at home, she says.

Still, “I don’t think my own affair was OK,” she says.

On the road, “There’s a sense of safety and a general rationalization that what the partner doesn’t know won’t hurt them,” says psychologist Peggy Vaughan, who has a website,, for people recovering from affairs. Some business people believe “it’s the norm to have affairs on the road,” because it’s “what successful, well-traveled people do,” she says.

Vaughan and her husband, James, also a psychologist, wrote a book, Beyond Affairs, in 1980 that discusses his past affairs while traveling on business. They have been married for 51 years.

Fewer people get caught “when they restrict their affairs only to out-of-town adventures,” she says. But there’s a tendency for those who don’t get caught “to gradually increase the risks they take, including moving into the more dangerous ground of in-town affairs.”

If they get caught cheating, or admit their ways, it can devastate their family relationships.

A California-based frequent traveler, also named Robert, confessed to his wife in November that he had had two out-of-town affairs since they wed about five years ago. They are undergoing intensive marriage counseling, and it’s been an “extremely painful process” trying to rebuild their relationship, he says. Robert says he was always drunk during his affairs and realizes they were an outgrowth of his upbringing. “I was raised in an alcoholic family, and I had no discipline or obedience,” he says.

His current wife says there was also a breakdown in their relationship at home before his infidelity on the road. “The stresses and demands on our lives were overwhelming,” she says.

Robert says two of his affairs were with employees who worked for him, and it would have been detrimental to his career if his employer knew about them.

“It was a conflict of interest, and I could have been fired,” he says.

A long way in a short time

Robert and his wife believe they can put the pieces of their marriage back together. They hired Carder to counsel them and believe they’ve come a long way in a short time. Carder has, among other things, made them look for the real reasons Robert strayed and made them rediscover why they were initially attracted to one another. “The key to saving any relationship after infidelity,” Carder says, “depends on the percentage of good history a couple has shared, identification of the contributing factors and stresses surrounding the inappropriate sexual relationship, the willingness to forgive and the restoration of respect and trust.”

“I’m beyond optimistic,” Robert’s wife says. “I know my marriage is going to make it.”

Only time will tell, but many other marriages dissolve after a spouse cheats on a business trip, says infidelity expert Anne Bercht. She wrote a bookabout her husband Brian’s affair.

Many business travelers “have aged 10 years in two years,” she says, “and lost jobs, marriages, respect of children, self-respect, friends and a great amount of wealth as a result of what began as a business trip, a drink or two and some flattery.”

Let’s offer some help for the cheaters out there. What do you do when you’re bored on a business trip? Keep it clean.

What Makes People Cheat on a Spouse?


Most people either know of or have been affected in some way by infidelity. Infidelity can be physical or emotional. Physical infidelity usually involves sexual contact, but can also involve touching, kissing or other types of physical contact. Emotional infidelity can be more subtle, such as lunch dates, flirting, sharing intimate information and online chatting.

The line between casual friendships and emotional infidelity can be very difficult to distinguish. A good question to ask yourself is: “Would I be engaging in this same behavior with this person if my partner was present?” If the answer is no, then you probably should stop what you’re doing.

There are a variety of reasons why people decide to be unfaithful. Some reasons involve one’s personality. An individual may enjoy the thrill and secrecy involved with cheating; we’ll call this the “007 cheater.” These people get a rush from engaging in “the forbidden.” They seek out excitement and enjoy the risks of their double life. However, the excitement eventually wears away and they inevitably leave their affair partner.

Another personality type is the “honeymoon cheater.” This individual is trying to re-live the honeymoon period associated with new relationships. The honeymoon stage usually occurs early on and disappears as couples get to know each other and personalities clash. To the “honeymoon cheater,” the affair partner represents a new and carefree life.

However, the honeymoon period, by definition, is only temporary. Therefore as the relationship ages, conflicts emerge and the honeymoon disappears along with the affair partner.

Other reasons can involve sexual incompatibility, which can lead a partner to stray. This happens when partners have differing sexual interests and one partner decides to fulfill sexual urges outside of the relationship. Sexual problems are usually not the core issue, but tend to be symptomatic of deeper problems in the relationship.

Another reason for infidelity may be a combination of lack of communication, martial dissatisfaction and opportunity. This happens when couples have such busy lives that they almost become strangers. The person develops deeper levels of intimacy with friends and co-workers, than with their spouse. In this case, emotional infidelity is likely to develop before physical infidelity.

Whatever the cause, affairs have devastating affects on the lives of the people involved. After the affair, couples often faces the difficult decision of determining whether or not to end the relationship. Are both willing and able to overcome, forgive and trust? Without trust and forgiveness, the issue will never be resolved.

If the couple stays together, they should determine what needs to happen in order to rebuild the relationship. Some behaviors and relationships will need to be changed.

This can be a tricky situation, because often an affair partner may be someone who must be in a couple’s life (i.e. coworker). The principal question is what is the couple willing to do to save the relationship? Surviving infidelity is not something that a couple has to do alone, as there is always professional help available.

Nydia Conrad is studying for her doctorate in clinical psychology at Argosy University and counsels children and families at Manatee Glens Hospital. Manatee Glens welcomes your questions about mental health and substance abuse matters. For further information, call 782-4299.

A NEW YOU: Mental Health Minute